Great Day

Some days, it all goes the way its supposed to.  G got up with his alarm and was pleasant when he got dressed.  He was great this morning before my meeting at school, and he played in my classroom nicely while I was gone.  We caught up after, and he wanted me to walk him to class.  He held my hand, and I got a nice hug, too.

At the end of the day, G went right to my classroom.  No one had to tell him where to go or what to do- he just did it.  No one got hurt, and I didn't have to oversee the writing of any apologies.  When I asked how his day was, it turns out his name was on "Great Day".  A step up from "Good Day"!  Much better than "Think About It" or "Walk 15 Laps at Recess."  I love that his teacher has options to move up during the day- not just down.  They are also earning tickets for positive behavior.  G is very excited about these tickets!  Positive reinforcement can work wonders!

I know that there is a lot of venting for parents of kids with disabilities.  I also know that many parents of kids with more severe disabilities would give a limb for what I perceive as extremely stressful.  I have seen great growth in the last two years, especially in the year and a half with medicine.  It takes two medications and a Master's degree in special education, but G is coming along nicely.

Most days.

Really?

I thought I was doing okay on the subject of putting body parts in inappropriate places.  I mean, I know I have boys.  I know I have years of discussions about body parts and inappropriate places.  We haven't had anything get stuck in ears or noses.  We haven't had issues with zippers or drawers with the boy bits.  No fingers in light sockets.

G is having a week with his feet, though.

Saturday, he got his foot stuck between the back and headrest of my husband's car.  I mean stuck.  We were on our way back from a playdate, so I pulled into a parking lot and tried to dislodge it.  No luck.  I tried calling my husband, thinking he would surely know how to adjust the headrest.  He wasn't answering.  So, since I was driving a Volvo, I went to the Volvo dealership.  It was really close.  I pulled to the service area, but there wasn't anyone around.  I then pulled to the front and went in the door.  The nice gentleman looked at me, probably hoping I was going to buy a car.  But no.

"Um, my son got his foot stuck in the passenger seat.  I can't figure out how to get it out.  I thought maybe as a Volvo dealership you could help?"  Then I laughed, because how absurd and ridiculous is it?!?

The guy came out, and with quite a bit of concern, dislodged G's foot.  (Shoving was involved.  It turns out the guy didn't know how to adjust the headrest.)  We all drove off, and I'm sure the guy had a good laugh.

Today he got his foot stuck in the armhole of a "puddle jumper," a kiddie flotation device.  It took a whole lot of tugging and pulling to fix that one.

Enough with the feet already, G!

On a nearly unrelated note, I discovered that my three-year-old has insanely stinky feet.  I was driving home from dinner tonight and he took off his shoes.  The smell was overwhelming.

Boys.  Sheesh.

More About The Difference

J has been in preschool for seven days, five last week and two this week.  The experience is giving me more information about the difference between the two boys.

I know that most boys can be wild.  G and J have their moments, and they definitely feed off each other.  Together, or even separately, at home, they can be whiney, oppositional, aggressive.  I know its typical, and some days are better than others.  When they are super tired or overstimulated, it gets worse.  Totally normal.

But G and J at three?  At school?  G was a mess.  He had difficulty making and keeping friends- the other kids were frequently afraid of him.  He had no ability to put a lid on certain behaviors away from home.  Any situation would trigger the inappropriate behaviors, and he couldn't control them.  Entire classes were disrupted, students got hurt, things were broken.

J, on the other hand, is the apple of his teacher's eye.  He has gotten perfect marks on his positive behavior system charts.  The other kids want to hug him, and he's talking about his friends.  The teachers say he follows directions and is great at cleaning up.

G, before medicine, couldn't control himself in varying situation.  J, as a neurotypical child, has no problem altering his behavior to fit a given situation.

I do not prefer one child over the other.  There are things about G that I love, and these things make him very different from his brother.  J has his own unique set of traits.  The boys are so different, and i love them both so much.  It really is amazing, though, to send a kid to school and not have to be really tense each day when its time to pick him up.  With G, I'm always anticipating a problem at home or at school.  Thinking about how to head off a problem before it happens.  Apologizing and making up for incidents.  With J, its a whole other ballgame.

The First Day of First Grade

I didn't get to see G much today.  Since I'm working with three grade levels this year, I was like the proverbial one-armed paperhanger.  Very busy!  I poked my head into his lunch line for a high five, and he seemed pretty happy.

After school, he was heading to my classroom, and I asked the guidance counselor if he could hang in her room for a bit (I had to get a couple of kinders on the bus).  Next thing I know, the guidance counselor comes to tell me that G has pinched the son of a colleague of ours.  Really hard.

Ugh.  On the first day of school.  Really, G?  The first day of school?

G and this little guy have a history.  They didn't get along last year during the ten minutes they saw each other (he's a grade below but caught the bus to pre-k at another school), and G has decided he doesn't like this boy.

I explained that we aren't going to like everyone.  And that's okay.  It is not, however, okay to hurt someone.  He's older, and its his job to be safe and keep others safe.  So we went back to my room and took an hour to write an apology.  Too bad we didn't get to the real homework!

I'm just frustrated.  The first day of school has enough drama without any extra.  And this is at my job!  I have to go work with this child's mother!  C'mon, G.  Help me out.

I hope I didn't give him too hard a time about it.  We've discussed the situation some, but he just told my husband, "Let's not talk about the bad stuff that happened today.  Let's just talk about how I was good in class."

There's always tomorrow, right?

Inheritance

I find it kind of strange that my children inherited some peculiar traits from me.  I mean, G has my ADHD.  Not strange.  J has my blue eyes.  Not strange.  But G inherited my inability to deal with suspense.  And its strange.

I was the laughing stock of my husband and in-laws for quite awhile after a movie incident years ago.  We were watching "Meet the Parents."  It was not my first time seeing the movie.  I thought it was funny, but hard to watch.  We get to the scene with the cat on the roof.  Everyone in the room is laughing.

I had to get up and leave.  I could not stand to watch the destruction.  It was just too much, even though it was all funny.

I threatened to walk out of the theater during the last "Lord of the Rings" movie when my husband wanted me to sit and wait it out to see if Aragorn and Arwen end up together.  I was about to leave- I couldn't take it.

I honestly read movie spoilers online before going to see the movie, just so I know.

G has this issue as well.  I can't even count the number of times that we've been watching some innocuous children's show- Doc McStuffins, Mike the Knight, Team Umi Zoomi- and he's run out of the room with his hands on his ears, yelling, "I can't stand it!"  These are not scary shows!  I mean, c'mon.  Doc McStuffins has never lost a patient, and I can't imagine the Disney cooperation allowing a toy doctor to kill off a talking baby doll.

Poor husband o' mine.  He loves movies.  Any and all of them.  And he's stuck with me, who won't watch anything overly dramatic, and G, who freaks out at movies he's already seen a dozen times.

I don't think its an ADHD thing, because other ADHDers that I know don't have this issue.  I think its just me being me and G being G.

What's the strangest thing that your child has inherited from you?

The Importance of Friends

Friendships have always been awkward or difficult for me.  Maybe I come on too strong.  Maybe I'm not particularly interesting.  Maybe there just aren't many kindred spirits of mine floating around out there.  In the last few years, I have found a friend, and that friendship has been important on many levels.

I can call her to get together as friends or as moms.  We have similar interests and talents.  Our boys are close together in ages so they enjoy playing together.  She has a great sense of humor and our husbands get along.

But there's a whole other level.  I don't have to explain G to her.  I don't have to worry about being judged.  If G snatches a toy from her kid, she'll tell him that G's in a bad mood, but its G's toy and he's in a bad mood, and sometimes its like that.  (I do make G give the toy back and apologize.)  If G does something naughty in front of her, she'll nicely correct him and send him on his way, without any nasty looks or comments to me.

This unwavering support is amazing.  It takes away so much stress when I know that I'm not being watched and judged as a parent.  I can't imagine what my life would be like if I didn't have the support of friends and family that "get it."

We talk about it taking a village to raise a child.  I don't think it ends as children.  I think we all need a village to be happy and healthy people.  And she has been one of the best additions to my village.  (My village is named Wildland.  We Wildlanders love cookies.)

Two years ago...

I found something I wrote two years ago in November, before G was on medicine.  It seems I haven't come all that far, as these things are all so true.  Except he's six now.

"I am not sure that I'm parenting G well. I'm just going to throw that out there. I guess I'm doing the best I can, and maybe there aren't other people who would do it better. However, I feel like a person with a degree in special education could do a better job of dealing with a four-year-old with some major impulse control issues.

G is amazing. He does everything with "reckless abandon." He plays, eats, sleeps,loves, learns... all with the same attitude. He just goes forward at light speed, leaving a path behind him. He's so damn smart that it thrills me to my toes. But I can't get him to stop and think before he acts. I have seen great improvement. He knows to stay close in a parking lot and look before stepping out, but if there was a Lego display on the other side of the parking lot, he'd be squashed. He knows he should apologize for tackling/hitting/spitting/biting/etc, but its a drive-by "Sorry!" flung without eye contact; he's too busy thinking about what he's going to do next.

Anyhow, after a day with my medium boy (he's not little, and he's not big, so he tells me...), I'm tired. And I feel sorry for his pre-k teacher. I send her my best every day. This being that I grew and carried and nurtured. I work with a teacher that frequently talks about how, no matter how bad a kid's behavior is or what the parents are like, that child is the best thing that parent has. And its true. I like my house, my job, my car, my crafts... but G and J are the best things I have to give to the world. So I send G to his teacher, the best thing I've got, and he wears HER out all day.

Today I learned that G has some interesting views on math. 1 and 1 makes 2. 1 and 1 also make 11."

These boys are still my absolute best.  They are the most amazing legacy I have to pass on to the world.  I wonder if I'll still feel so conflicted about parenting G two years from now, ten years from now, twenty years from now.  It seems like an awfully long time to be unsure of my skills in a given area.  Surely, twenty years from now, he'll be all grwon up and I can breathe again.

Ups and Downs

We are having a week of limbo.  J just started his new preschool Monday.  G doesn't start school until the 26th, so he's been with my mom.  They have had some great days together.  Today they went to the pool, and G was so sweet to one of the other kids there.  He helped her look for her special toy and was trying to be a good friend.

I picked him up and got lots of hugs.  The medicine had worn off, and he was a little wild, but I like the wild hugs the best.

We got home and dinner was a joint effort.  While my husband and I were working on different dinner things, the boys were playing.  They tussled a bit over who had a toy first, but I wasn't too worried.  J was doing his typical "scream when my brother looks at me" routine.  I don't know what set things off, but I looked over to see G choking J.

Now, I'm don't want to act like the boys don't get rough with each other.  But I wasn't prepared for this.  It was both hands around the neck.  I snapped.  I yelled and sent G up to his room.  After a few minutes, I had him come downstairs and I fed him a simple dinner.  Then I took him up and put him to bed.  Softy that I am, I gave him three books to look at.  (He was in bed nearly two hours earlier than last night- big change.)

I just feel so bad for J.  Mind you, J can be an obnoxious little brother at times.  Choking is just a whole other level than pushing or hitting, at least in my mind.  G was very sorry about the incident, and I have no doubt that his regret is real.  I just hope that my reaction and the consequences will be enough to prevent round two of this fight.

This part of parenthood is the pits.

Touching the Future

Today, I'm not writing as a parent.  I'm not writing as a person with ADHD.  I'm writing as a teacher.  I had a profoundly moving experience this afternoon.  I'm going into my eleventh year of teaching students with mild to moderate disabilities.  I average five to seven new students each year.  I'm terrible with names and recognizing faces, especially when its been awhile since I've seen someone.

I was in the library this afternoon working on visual schedules.  From where I was standing, I could see the door to my classroom.  I happened to see a young man peeking in my room.  He looked a lot like Michael Orr, the football player of "The Blindside" fame.  He saw the room was empty, so he turned to leave.  I called out, "Are you looking for me?"

That young man turned around, smiled, and said, "Yes, ma'am."  I nearly fell over.

I'm going to call him John.  The first time I met John, he was in second grade.  The annual "Mother's Day Tea" was in full swing, with doting moms and grandmas all over the place.  John, however, was under a low table, in a handsome pink shirt, crying his eyes out.  His mother was unable to come.  Maybe she forgot, or maybe she couldn't get off work, or maybe she couldn't get a ride.  But John was heartbroken, and none of the other teachers could coax him out.

I approached the table, knelt down, and pretended to cry myself.  "I can't believe it!" I gushed.  "I was supposed to be here to get to be someone's special guest.  And I can't find anyone to be with.  Please, PLEASE tell me you'll let me be your guest!"

John perked right up and gave me a beautiful smile.  I tell you- he was the most attentive little guy.  I had lots and lots of treats, and my cup was never empty of a drink.

I got to work with him off and on through the next three years.  When frustrated, he would look at me, shaking his head, muttering, "Mashugana."  He consistently wore pink, and he was handsome as could be.  Homework was a problem, as was staying serious and on-task in class.  There were tears fairly frequently.

So I was looking at this young man, who had just "ma'am-ed" me and towered over my 5'8" by several more inches.  "John?"  (I was terrified I would get the wrong name.  I remembered the table, the shirt, the mashuganas... but the name!)  And he smiled.  I hugged him and asked him lots of questions.  He's seventeen.  Going into eleventh grade.  Doing well in school.  More ma'ams.  I gave him another hug and told him to come find me when he graduates- I'll have a present for him. (I don't know what- any ideas, cyberspace?) 

I hope like anything that G and J can bring that feeling to a teacher someday.  I feel like I'm such a small part of my students' lives, especially since there's such a long time between elementary school and graduation from high school.  The moral of my story?  Go tell your teachers how much they've impacted you.  Tell them about the things that may be small and insignificant, because your encouragement may make their day, their week, their year.  Spread some love!

"I touch the future.  I teach."  Christa Macauliffe

Meet the Teacher

This afternoon, G got to meet his upcoming first grade teacher.  I think it went really well, but I was cautious about it, planned some things ahead, and the teacher had some things ready.

- We went when the medication was in him.  Registration day is 12:30-7:00 pm.  If we registered him in the evening, my husband could come.  But G wouldn't be his best self.

- My mom came along.  It was helpful to have a second set of ears, since I don't always retain information.

- The teacher had a heads-up about G (duh- she's my colleague- but I would've met with her beforehand if she didn't work with me), so she was prepared for him.

- I let G do the talking.  He tends to take awhile to answer questions (10 second pause, about), but I didn't step in.  He's got to work on it.

- The teacher had a series of numbered activities to complete.  Step 1: Sign in with names, phone numbers, and emails.  Step 2: Read the rules packet.  Step 3: Fill out the student survey.  Etc.  It gave G a purpose for the time.

I have a great feeling about things.  Mrs. D is firm and fair.  Younger, but with experience.  Homework is going to kill me, but that's for another blog entry; I'm terrified about how I'll survive it!

One aside, my heart was happy when I left.  There's a little boy from G's kindergarten class that's with him again.  G went to his birthday party.  The boy's mom volunteers at the school, so she's seen G at his best and worst.  Her son is awesome.  Quiet, calm, great reader, neurotypical...  He couldn't come and pick his seat, so his mom picked a desk for him.  We were the first two kids to come in and pick.  And where did she put her little guy?  Right next to my little guy.  She could've put him on the other side of the room, but she didn't.  She picked a seat next to G.  It was awesome.

Karate, Part 3

G has been in karate since early July.  Its been a roller coaster, but lately he's been doing really well.  He still isn't very attentive, and he really likes to talk to the teachers about anything that's on his mind.  He is doing a much better job at keeping his hands, feet, and esophageal ganglia to himself.  He blows on the kids every once in awhile, but its not nearly as often as before.  And we haven't had take-downs or other major physical issues in ages.

His teacher came up to me today and asked if we would be re-enrolling G for more lessons.  As far as extracurricular activities go, this karate program has been our best experience.  I figured I'd talk to G and my husband about how long (this decides pricing) we wanted to register for.

After class, I talk to G, and guess what? 

He doesn't want to keep going karate.

Really?  I mean, REALLY?

He did have a really cute idea about saving my money and putting it in his jar so that he can have more money and buy something with it.  He's all about the toys.  I get that.  Now I don't know what to do.  I know that some kids are joiners and some aren't.  But how much do you press when its a kid with social skills problems, ADHD, and sensory issues?  Does he have to have a good reason?  Does he need to pick something different until we find something that he doesn't want to stop doing?  Do I let him just chill at home?

I have no clue.  None.  So I bring it to cyberspace.  What do you do when your kid wants to quit an activity that you, as a parent, like them participating in?  Should I make him put another year in it, because I want him to, or do we take a break, or do we find something new?

A Successful Social Event

Last night, we had about thirty people come over for a cookout.  Due to rain, we didn't actually cook out anything, but we ate and drank and were merry.  The attendees were members of my husband's team at work.  There were lots of adults, and about ten kids all together.  G did a great job nearly all of the time.  As I was relaxing after, I starting thinking about why he was so successful.

- None of the kids were exactly his age.  No pressure to act a certain way or be friends with a certain kid.

- The two kids older than G were girls.  Strong-willed, well-spoken girls with a younger brother to boss around.  Two girls who had no problem telling G what to do in his own house.  While G hates when family tells him what to do or simply ignores the annoying voices, older girls are not an issue.  He's pretty obedient for the ladies.  I'm sure that will come in handy later in life.

- Josh.  Man, I love this guy.  I don't even know his last name.  He's an intern, and he took a whole lot of time to play with both of my boys.  He kept disappearing, and I didn't know where the kids were, and I'd find Josh lifting up J again and again to dunk his hamster toy through a basketball hoop.  At one point, G was melting down over what he wanted to eat.  I think he was just over-stimulated.  Did Josh tell G to buck up?  Did he give G a funny look?  Nope.  He just used a nice calm voice to help him out.  I informed Josh that we pay $10/hour for people to play Legos with the boys.  He said he'd take it.  I need his number.

Three pretty awesome aspects to the evening meant I got to eat and talk and play with the other kids a bit.  It wasn't perfect- J got tackled several times by G, which led to an insane amount of screaming.  We ignored most of it, and J came to us when he needed intervention.  G had trouble telling me what he wanted to eat for dinner and how much he wanted.  But in the past five years or so, this was the most successful social event I've been able to host.  So next time you have a get-together with a kid with ADHD, check your guest list.  It can help a lot.

Parenting Criticism

I am not a perfect person, and I'm not a perfect parent.  I love my kids a lot, and I have the best of intentions.  Things don't always work out the way I want them to.  Sometimes these less-than-favorable situations occur in front of strangers.  And sometimes those strangers think they have the answers.

We were at the local Subway one recent evening.  G and J were both really wound up (medicine was out of G's system).  There was one couple eating, and two or three people in line.  I didn't worry too much, as long as they were semi-quiet.  They were swinging on the bar in the wait line and racing each other back and forth across the widest space.  This guy behind me starts to chuckle a bit under his breath at their antics.  Sensing a sense of humor, I smiled at him and said, "Keep laughing, and they both go home with you!"  He laughed back.  We got our food and ate.  He gave a little wave on his way out.  A kindred spirit.  I bet he was remembering being a lot like G and J.  No big deal.

We went into the bathroom to wash up.  They have one of those Excellerator dryers that make a lot of scary noise when you don't like loud noises.  J decided he wanted to keep starting it and putting his head under it.  He's screaming, because that's the noise he makes ALL THE TIME now.  Happy?  Scream.  Sad?  Scream.  Angry?  Scream.  Then G gets more wound up because the dryer is loud and his brother is loud.  I have two kids screaming very loudly.  Their excitement is feeding off of each other.  I don't stress out much- there weren't many people in the restaurant, and we are kinda in the back away from the people.  It also wasn't the type of screaming to imply chainsaw massacre.  I laugh it off, I get them wrangled, and out we go.

No one there?  WRONG.  Suddenly, everyone wanted to go to Subway, and they all heard my kids.  I kind of duck my head and smile with a "boys will be boys" expression.  Most of the people in line give a sympathetic smile back.  The guy at the register, in his sixties or seventies, though, has an opinion.  "Some kids... But if they were my kids..."

Whoa.  Really, dude?  I'll let you at 'em for awhile.  I'll even hang on to the Focalin if you want to try to straighten them out all on your own.  Don't start judging strangers on their parenting (unless you see someone beating their child or being verbally abusive- not okay) without having more information.  I'm okay with input.  My husband, my mom, my sister, my in-laws, my friends (the ones with less-than-perfect children), my co-workers...  Feel free.  I'm open to suggestions.  But strangers at Subway?  Knock it off.

Don't think ADHD is a disorder? Read this!

My theory of ADHD can be found and summed up here.  I honestly don't think "disorder" would be a necessary label, except for modern educational standards.  My "disorder" can be seen, in some circumstances, as a set of strengths.  But put me in a classroom as a student for eight hours, or send me to a meeting that lasts all day, and I'm going to either cause trouble or zone out.

What do you guys think of this guy's theory?  Anyone feel that he's way off base?

Thom Hartmann's Hunter and Farmer Approach to ADD/ADHD

Submitted by Thom Hartmann A... on 1. November 2007 - 15:21

• ADHD Education

Thom Hartmann's approach showing the differences between "Hunters" and "Farmers".
Taken from Thom Hartmann's book, "ADD: A Different Perception."

Trait as it appears in the "Disorder" view:	How it appears in the "Hunter" view:	Opposite "Farmer" traits:
Attention spans short, but can become intensely focused for the long periods of time.	Constantly monitoring their environment.	Not easily distracted from the task at hand.
Poor planner: disorganized and impulsive (makes snap decisions).	Able to throw themselves into the chase on a moment's notice.	Able to sustain a steady, dependable effort.
Distorted sense of time: unaware of how long it will take to do something.	Flexible; ready to change strategy quickly.	Organized, purposeful. They have a long term strategy and they stick to it.
Impatient.	Tireless: capable of sustained drives, but only when "Hot on the trail" of some goal.	Conscious of time and timing. They get things done in time, pace themselves, have good "staying power."
Doesn't convert words into concepts adeptly, and vice versa. May or may not have a reading disability.	Visual/Concrete thinker, clearly seeing a tangible goal even if there are no words for it.	Patient. Aware that good thing takes time - willing to wait.
Has difficulty following directions.	Independent.	Team player.
Daydreamer.	Bored by mundane tasks; enjoy new ideas, excitement, "the hunt" being hot on the trial.	Focused. Good at follow-through, tending to details, "taking care of business."
Acts without considering consequences.	Willing and able to take risk and face danger.	Careful. "looking before you leap."
Lacking in the social graces.	"No time for niceties when there are decisions to be made!"	Nurturing; creates and supports community values; attuned to whether something will last.

- See more at: http://www.thomhartmann.com/articles/2007/11/thom-hartmanns-hunter-and-farmer-approach-addadhd#sthash.L1m4PvrX.dpuf

Thom Hartmann's Hunter and Farmer Approach to ADD/ADHD

Submitted by Thom Hartmann A... on 1. November 2007 - 15:21

• ADHD Education

Thom Hartmann's approach showing the differences between "Hunters" and "Farmers".
Taken from Thom Hartmann's book, "ADD: A Different Perception."

Trait as it appears in the "Disorder" view:	How it appears in the "Hunter" view:	Opposite "Farmer" traits:
Attention spans short, but can become intensely focused for the long periods of time.	Constantly monitoring their environment.	Not easily distracted from the task at hand.
Poor planner: disorganized and impulsive (makes snap decisions).	Able to throw themselves into the chase on a moment's notice.	Able to sustain a steady, dependable effort.
Distorted sense of time: unaware of how long it will take to do something.	Flexible; ready to change strategy quickly.	Organized, purposeful. They have a long term strategy and they stick to it.
Impatient.	Tireless: capable of sustained drives, but only when "Hot on the trail" of some goal.	Conscious of time and timing. They get things done in time, pace themselves, have good "staying power."
Doesn't convert words into concepts adeptly, and vice versa. May or may not have a reading disability.	Visual/Concrete thinker, clearly seeing a tangible goal even if there are no words for it.	Patient. Aware that good thing takes time - willing to wait.
Has difficulty following directions.	Independent.	Team player.
Daydreamer.	Bored by mundane tasks; enjoy new ideas, excitement, "the hunt" being hot on the trial.	Focused. Good at follow-through, tending to details, "taking care of business."
Acts without considering consequences.	Willing and able to take risk and face danger.	Careful. "looking before you leap."
Lacking in the social graces.	"No time for niceties when there are decisions to be made!"	Nurturing; creates and supports community values; attuned to whether something will last.

- See more at: http://www.thomhartmann.com/articles/2007/11/thom-hartmanns-hunter-and-farmer-approach-addadhd#sthash.L1m4PvrX.dpuf

Back-To-Work Organization

As a school teacher, I have a definite beginning and ending to each work year.  Most of last year was horrible.  My depression flared up in the fall.  My ADHD was causing plenty of difficulties with completing work on time and remembering what had to be done by when.  So I'm trying to get my act together this year, and I think its going to help.

My school division gave all the teachers laptops.  (Okay- lent us all laptops.)  So I've decided that Google Calendar is going to keep me in line.  I am hooked up with my mother and husband's calendars, which is very helpful.  I have my task list going, and I'm adding things to them by due date.  Some of the tasks are due next week and some are due in February.  I also have access to the calendar on my phone so I can check in on things.  I have a good plan in place- now I have to execute it!

When a task comes up, I need to make sure I add it to the list instead of writing myself a post-it note to get buried somewhere.  I need to check my calendar and lists daily.  I need to do what's on the list!  That's the hard part.  I schedule, write, and manage IEPs.  There's a load of paperwork with all that, and I have to be on the ball.  Procrastination just won't cut it.

I'll check back in on my organization periodically.  Sometimes it helps me just to have someone to report back to.  Anyone out in cyberspace have ideas?  How do other adults with ADHD handle the organizing and responsibilities that come with work?

Thank you, Ms. P!

I'm a special education school teacher, and I'm getting ready to head back in to work after a looooonnnnngggg summer off.  And I mean long in the best and worst ways.  I took the boys in today to play in my room while I tried to unpack all my stuff and get the furniture back where it needs to be.  J was in a horrible mood, so he did a lot of screaming for no reason and he peed on the floor of my classroom.  I was worn out, and the kids were on my last nerve.  Then I heard a familiar voice among the others in the hall- Ms. P, G's kindergarten teacher.

I handpicked Ms. P to be G's teacher last year.  One of the primary reasons was that, after ten years in the same building, she still intimidated me a bit.  She's strict but fair, firm but loving.  I have another teacher friend whose daughter had Ms. P.  She is a free-spirited kind of kid, a lot like me when I was little.  She had Ms. P, and her spirit wasn't squashed.  I knew G needed her.

It was a rough year at times.  Scab and nose picking.  Head butting other students.  Peeing on the playground.  She teased him in cute ways that made him laugh but never made him feel small.  And he learned.  Oh boy, did he learn!  My baby became a reader last year.  That means so much to me!

How would she view my wild man from the other side of the year?  I know its hard to summon the energy to get excited about things when your vacation is ending.  But he went out into the hall, and she greeted him with so much enthusiasm.  She asked him lots of questions about his vacation and upcoming first-grade year.  She hugged him and smiled and seemed genuinely happy to see him.

I know this may be hard to believe, for I really do love my boy, but I was surprised at how much care she put into her five minutes with him.  I love my kid, but I have to!  I'm his mom.  It touches me when someone shows that they love and appreciate him, flaws and all.

So, thanks, Ms. P.  Thank you for really loving my kid.  You are part of his village, and he'll carry you with him for the rest of his life.

Co-morbidity with ADHD

I've been thinking a lot about ADHD co-morbidity.  I found an interesting diagram here.  (I don't know a whole lot about quoting other sources on the internet.  Its not my diagram.  I don't know whose it is.  But I like it- if its yours, awesome job.  Message me and I'll put your name with it.)  I'm not sure about the numbers that are on here.  I'm less concerned about the correctness of the numbers and more concerned about the big picture.


I don't tend to think of ADHD as a disability in most situations- there are definitely times in my life when my brain's method/madness has been an advantage.  I think of it as a brain's way of working, and I think its a spectrum, similar to current thinking on autism.   I know many people who have said, "I think I have some ADHD, too, especially in _________ situation..."  I don't doubt it.

When I look at this chart, I find myself in many areas.  I will have to take antidepressants for the rest of my life.  I'm not thrilled about that fact, but I have found some meds that work and have worked for years.  I definitely had difficulties in learning math as a teenager.  I was able to work through it to some extent in college and past.  Math isn't a strength for me, but I remember working so hard with my father and sister as tutors, and still not getting it.  I struggled with oppositional behaviors as a child and teenager.  Not as severe as some kids, but enough to where it caused problems in my family.  I don't see OCD on here, but I was diagnosed with that at one time.  It developed as a coping mechanism for my sleep difficulties, which were a result of an overactive brain at bedtime.

I look over this and wonder about the impact of my different way of thinking on my life.  Somewhere in elementary school, my academic, behavioral, and social lives were impacted by my brain.  My family and friend relationships suffered, leading to behavioral problems.  Then my self-esteem was impacted.  Would I have difficulty with depression if I didn't have ADHD?  How much of my depression was the mean voice in my head telling me that I was no good at math, and no one liked me, and I couldn't even be nice to my parents?  If I could pay attention better in math class, would I have been better at math?  Would my grades have been better, leading to higher self-esteem, leading to less depression?

I look at G and try to find him on this chart/spectrum.  We've got some behavioral stuff going on.  We've go some sensory/social stuff that inches towards the autism spectrum.  We've definitely got some OCD mixed in there.  I'm trying really hard to work on his self-esteem.  One of the things he hears from me a lot is, "I love you, no matter what."  I try to provide as much positive feedback as I can when the good times are rolling.  I don't turn my head to the bad stuff- we address it and move on.

I'd love to hear from cyberspace.  What do you think of this diagram?  Does it fit for you and/or your child?  Is something missing?  Do you have a site/diagram/article that relates to this?