Two years ago...

I found something I wrote two years ago in November, before G was on medicine.  It seems I haven't come all that far, as these things are all so true.  Except he's six now.

"I am not sure that I'm parenting G well. I'm just going to throw that out there. I guess I'm doing the best I can, and maybe there aren't other people who would do it better. However, I feel like a person with a degree in special education could do a better job of dealing with a four-year-old with some major impulse control issues.

G is amazing. He does everything with "reckless abandon." He plays, eats, sleeps,loves, learns... all with the same attitude. He just goes forward at light speed, leaving a path behind him. He's so damn smart that it thrills me to my toes. But I can't get him to stop and think before he acts. I have seen great improvement. He knows to stay close in a parking lot and look before stepping out, but if there was a Lego display on the other side of the parking lot, he'd be squashed. He knows he should apologize for tackling/hitting/spitting/biting/etc, but its a drive-by "Sorry!" flung without eye contact; he's too busy thinking about what he's going to do next.

Anyhow, after a day with my medium boy (he's not little, and he's not big, so he tells me...), I'm tired. And I feel sorry for his pre-k teacher. I send her my best every day. This being that I grew and carried and nurtured. I work with a teacher that frequently talks about how, no matter how bad a kid's behavior is or what the parents are like, that child is the best thing that parent has. And its true. I like my house, my job, my car, my crafts... but G and J are the best things I have to give to the world. So I send G to his teacher, the best thing I've got, and he wears HER out all day.

Today I learned that G has some interesting views on math. 1 and 1 makes 2. 1 and 1 also make 11."

These boys are still my absolute best.  They are the most amazing legacy I have to pass on to the world.  I wonder if I'll still feel so conflicted about parenting G two years from now, ten years from now, twenty years from now.  It seems like an awfully long time to be unsure of my skills in a given area.  Surely, twenty years from now, he'll be all grwon up and I can breathe again.