Well, I'm frustrated with karate. I shouldn't be surprised, but I'm disappointed. Even with three adults supervising the 8-12 kids, G finds plenty of ways to cause trouble. Tackling. Take downs. Blowing in ears. Headbutting (gently, at least, but still obnoxious). Using the equipment when he's been told not to. I'm debating what to do.
One option is to do nothing. Just keep letting him do what he's doing. He's a boy, right? They do obnoxious things sometimes, right? Someone will slug him one day when he's annoying enough, and he'll learn to knock it off.
Another option is to ask the teachers to verbally correct him more frequently. They are always watching, but the two assistant coaches aren't very outgoing with the kids. Maybe they would be able to step in a little more?
Third option- try a different business. Maybe the way this class is run is causing some problems. Too much talking? Too many other kids? Too much wait time? I don't have anything to compare it to. Its our first karate experience.
Last option is to just take him out. Why spend the money trying to make G behave in a way he isn't ready to behave? Maybe re-enroll him in a year.
I just don't know. Anyone in cyberspace have ideas?
Monday, July 22, 2013
Sunday, July 21, 2013
Birthday Party, In Retrospect
My one blog reader has asked if I have some ideas about how I would do G's birthday party differently. Thanks for the input. I've been thinking about it.
- I would definitely make it an activity party. As much as I hate planning that type of party, it would have kept G busy, and it would have helped him interact with his friends. His previous party was like that. It was Lego themed, so we made and raced Lego cars, etc. It seemed like keeping him busy made the presents less attractive, at least temporarily.
- I would invite less adults. This party was more of a get-together for all our friends, including parents. G's dad and I were both trying to mingle with adults for some of the time. This was okay for all the kids except G.
- I would start letting G know about a week in advance that we would not be opening presents at the party, and I would put them away somewhere behind a closed door. (They were on the desk in our office, near the party this time.) We would aim for "out of sight, out of mind," and I'd prepare him more in advance for the situation.
- If I decide not to do the party at home next year, which sounds great but costs more money, that might help, too. There would be activities planned, like playing in a museum or skating. That would probably help him interact with the other kids and keep him from fixating on the presents. Its just a matter of being willing to spend all the money, or wanting to keep it frugal.
Maybe a year will give G a whole lot of maturity. Maybe none of this will be an issue. A mom can dream, right?
- I would definitely make it an activity party. As much as I hate planning that type of party, it would have kept G busy, and it would have helped him interact with his friends. His previous party was like that. It was Lego themed, so we made and raced Lego cars, etc. It seemed like keeping him busy made the presents less attractive, at least temporarily.
- I would invite less adults. This party was more of a get-together for all our friends, including parents. G's dad and I were both trying to mingle with adults for some of the time. This was okay for all the kids except G.
- I would start letting G know about a week in advance that we would not be opening presents at the party, and I would put them away somewhere behind a closed door. (They were on the desk in our office, near the party this time.) We would aim for "out of sight, out of mind," and I'd prepare him more in advance for the situation.
- If I decide not to do the party at home next year, which sounds great but costs more money, that might help, too. There would be activities planned, like playing in a museum or skating. That would probably help him interact with the other kids and keep him from fixating on the presents. Its just a matter of being willing to spend all the money, or wanting to keep it frugal.
Maybe a year will give G a whole lot of maturity. Maybe none of this will be an issue. A mom can dream, right?
Thursday, July 18, 2013
The Truth
I was a liar as a kid. I lied a lot. And as an adult, as a parent and teacher, I HATE lying. I can handle a lot of different things. I hate lying.
So this morning I discovered that the... for lack of a better word... overflow hole in the boys' bathroom sink was stopped up with a big wad of bright blue toothpaste. J was with me, so I asked if he did it. "Nooooo. G did it! Not me!" Now, J is going through a lying stage. When asked, with three carrots still sitting on his plate, if he has any carrots left, he will smile angelically and say no. So when J accuses his brother, I take it with a grain of salt.
G hasn't lied to me yet. He makes a lot of bad and impulsive choices, but he owns them. When called in, G admitted that he put the toothpaste there. Last night. When asked if he put in a little or a lot, he replied that he put in a medium amount. I was pretty livid. I wanted to yell and stomp. Instead, I quietly sent him to his room to sit on his bed. A few minutes later, he came to help me clean it up. We talked about why that hole needs to stay clear. We talked about not wasting toothpaste.
Then I pulled him into my room and hugged him. I told him that if he'd put the toothpaste there and lied about it, he'd get into double trouble. I pointed out that there would be a consequence for the bad choice, but it would only be half as bad as if he'd lied too. He looked disappointed and then proud.
So I hope that I can keep him telling the truth and owning his mistakes. I love that about him now, and I really hope that J comes on board quickly.
So this morning I discovered that the... for lack of a better word... overflow hole in the boys' bathroom sink was stopped up with a big wad of bright blue toothpaste. J was with me, so I asked if he did it. "Nooooo. G did it! Not me!" Now, J is going through a lying stage. When asked, with three carrots still sitting on his plate, if he has any carrots left, he will smile angelically and say no. So when J accuses his brother, I take it with a grain of salt.
G hasn't lied to me yet. He makes a lot of bad and impulsive choices, but he owns them. When called in, G admitted that he put the toothpaste there. Last night. When asked if he put in a little or a lot, he replied that he put in a medium amount. I was pretty livid. I wanted to yell and stomp. Instead, I quietly sent him to his room to sit on his bed. A few minutes later, he came to help me clean it up. We talked about why that hole needs to stay clear. We talked about not wasting toothpaste.
Then I pulled him into my room and hugged him. I told him that if he'd put the toothpaste there and lied about it, he'd get into double trouble. I pointed out that there would be a consequence for the bad choice, but it would only be half as bad as if he'd lied too. He looked disappointed and then proud.
So I hope that I can keep him telling the truth and owning his mistakes. I love that about him now, and I really hope that J comes on board quickly.
Monday, July 15, 2013
Monkey See, Monkey Do
I talk a lot about the downside of ADHD, but I do have plenty of silver linings. G has gotten to the point where he can be a good role model for J, and I can tell him how proud I am of him. We have a lot of "monkey see, monkey do" in our house. J thinks that G is the cat's pajamas. So when G is jumping on the couch, so is J. If G is climbing on the counters, so is J.
Yesterday we were at Whole Foods, and I was wrangling the boys into the car. They both ran off from me in front of the store, and down the sidewalk. It wasn't a safety issue, as they weren't near traffic. I called a couple of times, but J was really thrilled to just follow G in his bid for freedom. So I start to countdown from five. This is a trick I use a lot with students and my boys. It gives them a sense of a deadline. I know counting to three works for some, but there's just too much of a chance to push it and wait for four. Or five. Or seventeen. So I countdown and get to one. G turns himself toward me and comes right over (thanks, Focalin!). What does J do? He follows right along. "Monkey see, monkey do."
I was very happy to grab G, give him a hug, and tell him how proud I was that he made a good choice. We talked about how his good choice helped J make a good choice. Hugs and kisses ensued. It was a proud moment.
Yesterday we were at Whole Foods, and I was wrangling the boys into the car. They both ran off from me in front of the store, and down the sidewalk. It wasn't a safety issue, as they weren't near traffic. I called a couple of times, but J was really thrilled to just follow G in his bid for freedom. So I start to countdown from five. This is a trick I use a lot with students and my boys. It gives them a sense of a deadline. I know counting to three works for some, but there's just too much of a chance to push it and wait for four. Or five. Or seventeen. So I countdown and get to one. G turns himself toward me and comes right over (thanks, Focalin!). What does J do? He follows right along. "Monkey see, monkey do."
I was very happy to grab G, give him a hug, and tell him how proud I was that he made a good choice. We talked about how his good choice helped J make a good choice. Hugs and kisses ensued. It was a proud moment.
Saturday, July 13, 2013
My name is Marie, I'm a craft-a-holic.
Its seriously a problem for me. I am in the process of cleaning out my craft room, which is a three week project. I can't bring myself to just trash the fabric and other craft supplies. I can't bring myself to donate them. What is no one loves that blue zebra print upholstery fabric like I do? What if some of that just ends up in the trash? I just texted a friend to ask her to come get some of my craft supplies. Thankfully, she said yes. I might just be enabling her addiction, but its better than having it all in my house!
Its not just the fabric. I recently spent $500 on $2,000 worth of yarn when a local store went out of business. I don't have plans for all the yarn. There's just so much of it! And yet, when given a gift card to Michael's, I went and bought more yarn. Who does that?!?
At some point, I'll post a picture of my unfinished projects. That'll come after I finish cleaning out my craft room and find them all. My first quilt, pieced in high school, still isn't completely finished. I graduated in 1997 for Pete's sake.
My husband is a good man for putting up with this. Of course, he usually doesn't know exactly what I have and how much I have of it. He just closes the door, like a good neurotypical man, and goes on with life.
Its not just the fabric. I recently spent $500 on $2,000 worth of yarn when a local store went out of business. I don't have plans for all the yarn. There's just so much of it! And yet, when given a gift card to Michael's, I went and bought more yarn. Who does that?!?
At some point, I'll post a picture of my unfinished projects. That'll come after I finish cleaning out my craft room and find them all. My first quilt, pieced in high school, still isn't completely finished. I graduated in 1997 for Pete's sake.
My husband is a good man for putting up with this. Of course, he usually doesn't know exactly what I have and how much I have of it. He just closes the door, like a good neurotypical man, and goes on with life.
Thursday, July 11, 2013
Shameless Promotional Message
G is a picker. I hate to admit that he gets it from me, although I'm much better than he is. He'll pick his nose. Scabs. Skin on his fingers and feet. ANYTHING. So I found these:
I love these band-aids. I really love them. G's covered in mosquito bites, so he has plenty of things to pick at. Some of his wounds have been there for weeks because he takes off the scab each day. That makes it really hard for those suckers to heal.
So here's what I do. I put one of these on each of the wounds. They hurt like a motherf#*$&@ to take off, so he leaves them on. (If a easy band-aid is on, its just something else to pick off.) I discovered these band-aids when I put one on my arm. Five days later, I wanted it off.
It was like this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3koe_J36rW4
So if you have a scab picker, try these! They'll help!
I love these band-aids. I really love them. G's covered in mosquito bites, so he has plenty of things to pick at. Some of his wounds have been there for weeks because he takes off the scab each day. That makes it really hard for those suckers to heal.
So here's what I do. I put one of these on each of the wounds. They hurt like a motherf#*$&@ to take off, so he leaves them on. (If a easy band-aid is on, its just something else to pick off.) I discovered these band-aids when I put one on my arm. Five days later, I wanted it off.
It was like this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3koe_J36rW4
So if you have a scab picker, try these! They'll help!
Sunday, July 7, 2013
Parents and Grandparents
We went to visit Papa and Yaya this weekend, G's paternal grandparents. We took along the Focalin, five Apple devices, and Legos. I thought we were prepared. Yaya has always been a bit more accepting of G's behavior. That's not to say she doesn't get frustrated. She does get frustrated, but she cools off quicker and seems to really find some good stuff about him, in spite of the difficult stuff.
Papa has a short fuse. I hear he wasn't like that with my husband when he was younger, but a stroke and old age have made him cantankerous. He's hard for all of us to be around at times, but its different with G. I actually like it when men use a harsher tone of voice with G. He usually stops what he's doing quicker and acts appropriately faster than with me.* So when Papa uses a harsh tone, I'm not that upset. I do get very bothered when someone uses inappropriate language toward G.
We are not bad parents. We do not let G get away with whatever he wants. We do not condone him jumping on furniture, interrupting, or eating with atrocious manners. We aren't fans of the meltdowns or tantrums. We cannot completely stop these things. We use time-out and loss of privileges, usually with limited success. We have tried spanking/hand-smacking. They are entirely ineffective for our child. We work on behavior charts and discussions of expected behaviors. We are good parents!
Sorry, Papa. You're just going to have to avoid us when we come visit if you can't find some good in us and our child. Because we're all awesome.
* It has happened, numerous times, that I've been in the check-out area of a store, and G gets sidetracked by a toy or interesting item and wanders away. I stand there, calling to him, with no luck. An older gentleman will see me, smile with a hand to their lips, and sneak up to him. In a stern voice, they say, "Young man, your mother is calling you!" And G quickly scurries back to my side. I'd say this happens 1-2 times a month. I kinda like it.
Papa has a short fuse. I hear he wasn't like that with my husband when he was younger, but a stroke and old age have made him cantankerous. He's hard for all of us to be around at times, but its different with G. I actually like it when men use a harsher tone of voice with G. He usually stops what he's doing quicker and acts appropriately faster than with me.* So when Papa uses a harsh tone, I'm not that upset. I do get very bothered when someone uses inappropriate language toward G.
We are not bad parents. We do not let G get away with whatever he wants. We do not condone him jumping on furniture, interrupting, or eating with atrocious manners. We aren't fans of the meltdowns or tantrums. We cannot completely stop these things. We use time-out and loss of privileges, usually with limited success. We have tried spanking/hand-smacking. They are entirely ineffective for our child. We work on behavior charts and discussions of expected behaviors. We are good parents!
Sorry, Papa. You're just going to have to avoid us when we come visit if you can't find some good in us and our child. Because we're all awesome.
* It has happened, numerous times, that I've been in the check-out area of a store, and G gets sidetracked by a toy or interesting item and wanders away. I stand there, calling to him, with no luck. An older gentleman will see me, smile with a hand to their lips, and sneak up to him. In a stern voice, they say, "Young man, your mother is calling you!" And G quickly scurries back to my side. I'd say this happens 1-2 times a month. I kinda like it.
Wednesday, July 3, 2013
Karate
We have tried putting G in extracurricular activities. We did gymnastics at a couple of different places. He really enjoyed the activity, but the instructors just weren't firm enough. They were all high school girls that were very sweet to the little girls in the class. But G needs someone to lay down the law. It wasn't happening.
When he was four, the developmental pediatrician told us not to put him in any team sports. I do think any activity where tackling is acceptable would have worked, because G seems to have some obsession with aggression. However, in football, the team members have to actually listen to a coach. So we skipped that.
I signed G up for karate yesterday. He seems thrilled. The instructor has already set up the expectation that all adults are given the "Yes, Ma'am, No, Sir" treatment, both in class and out. I'm not big on that, but we're going to reinforce it at home. He did well last night at remembering it when I prompted, "Remember karate manners." He wore his uniform all evening while he played- it was adorable.
We go for the first class tonight. I'm nervous, because the one-on-one session yesterday looked like fun, but G was distracted and off-task. I am going to make my own definition for success: G's class will be successful if no one gets hurt. Especially someone other than G.
When he was four, the developmental pediatrician told us not to put him in any team sports. I do think any activity where tackling is acceptable would have worked, because G seems to have some obsession with aggression. However, in football, the team members have to actually listen to a coach. So we skipped that.
I signed G up for karate yesterday. He seems thrilled. The instructor has already set up the expectation that all adults are given the "Yes, Ma'am, No, Sir" treatment, both in class and out. I'm not big on that, but we're going to reinforce it at home. He did well last night at remembering it when I prompted, "Remember karate manners." He wore his uniform all evening while he played- it was adorable.
We go for the first class tonight. I'm nervous, because the one-on-one session yesterday looked like fun, but G was distracted and off-task. I am going to make my own definition for success: G's class will be successful if no one gets hurt. Especially someone other than G.
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