Today's Life Lesson

Don't walk around with sharpened pencils in your pockets. If you do, and you jump up then land a certain way, you will impale yourself with said pencil. That kind of puncture wound in your calf will hurt a lot. And your mother will torture you by cleaning it out.

Seriously, Parenting Karma?  Two days in a row?

The Tooth

My boys got teeth late in infancy.  Neither one had any at their first birthday.  I've known all along that they would lose their first tooth later than other kids.  Today, less than a month until his seventh birthday, G lost his first tooth.  It was not loose when I sent him to school this morning.

Just after noon, I was saying goodbye to a parent that had come for a meeting.  I see G walking up the hallway toward me with a worried look on his face and a wad of toilet paper held to his mouth.  I quickly say goodbye to the parent and head up to G.  We go into the nurse.

Me:  "G, what happened?"

G:  "My tooth is loose and bleeding."

Me:  "Yeah, I see.  How did that happen?"

G:  "I was playing tug-of-war and put the rope in my mouth.  This boy pulled on the rope really hard.  And now my tooth is LOOSE!"

Me:  Laughter.

I know its not funny to laugh at misfortune, but its just more of the absurdity of life with boys with ADHD.  I like to think of G as a really smart little guy.  However, there's a huge gap between factual knowledge and common sense with this guy.  I mean, he put a rope in his mouth during a game with "tug" in the name.  And he's surprised when there's blood?!?

I have written before about G picking everything.  This tooth was no exception.  He was adamant that it needed to come out.  I called the dentist, but they don't take out baby teeth, not even when the kid has OCD.  So I sucked it up and sent him back to class, bloody drool and all.

Forty-five minutes later I get word that the tooth is out.  Thank heavens.  True to form, he worried that tooth until it came out.  Its got a really long root, which worries me, so its good that he's going to the dentist tomorrow.  I have a feeling that little baby tooth was nowhere near being ready to come out.  I'll leave final judgement on that for the professionals.

And hopefully, G has learned a valuable lesson about ropes and teeth.

Update after doctor's visit

The pediatrician feels that the stimulant medication is making G more aggressive and increasing the obsessive-compulsive behaviors of picking at everything.  So we have stopped the Focalin and will be increasing the Intuniv.

Today I delivered G to his teacher in a seemingly unmedicated state.  There were no stimulants in his system.  I told his teacher about the medication change and told her that it seemed like a good idea the previous day.  It really seemed okay yesterday, but this morning, I was very anxious about sending G to class in such a wild state.  Don't get me wrong- he was happy.  I've seldom seen him in such a good mood.  It just also seemed like he was likely to literally swing from the ceiling if given a ladder to reach it.  And he was talking nonstop to the kids in the hallway.  His teacher and I talked about an incentive plan, one that I'm hoping will motivate him well.  My parting words?

"Try to hang in as long as you can.  Let me know when you just can't stand it anymore.  We'll go back to the stimulants for the rest of the year if we have to."  All the while, listening to G out in the hallway, chattering away at light speed.  Sigh.

By recess, he was a mess.  A total mess.  A total hot mess.  We spent twenty minutes trying to decide if he was being disobedient (teacher's thought) or just totally inept due to ADHD med switching (my thought).  He was noisy, fidgety, rude to the teachers, and just plain difficult.

We ended the day with me carrying a bawling G out to my mom's car so I could stay for a wedding shower.  No screen time.  No treats.  No happy thoughts about first grade.  I've called the pediatrician and am waiting to hear back.  I think we'll revert the meds, because bad on the stimulants was better than being without them for the next three and a half weeks.  I'll switch over the summer.

I'm exhausted.  I've done nothing but worry about my kid and wondering if I've done the right thing.  There's no way to know, though, for sure.  I'm back to blindly making decisions based on gut instinct and praying that I'm doing okay.  Hoping he'll make friends, have teachers who love him no matter what, learn something, keep his hands to himself, and actually get the urine in the toilet.

I'm reading about meditation these days.  I think I know what I'm going to be doing this evening while I wait to hear from the doctor.

Sick Joke

My life is starting to seem like the punch-line of a joke.

This morning on our way from the car to the school building, G was quite loquacious.  He was talking about anything and everything, skipping from topic to topic.  He couldn’t get out of the car because he was playing with the iPad, trying to get his backpack, and talking- too many things at once.

I finally got him to exit the car and he was heading toward the school building.  This is what I heard:

“I like Minecraft.  It has creepers and Enderman…

I’m going to keep playing.  Maybe I’ll play Subway Sur…  

(Insert wild motion of whipping head back and forth to look before crossing the parking lot.)

I can carry the iPad like this...

Maybe there are some crystals [small white rocks] here by the- SQUIRREL!”

Sure enough, a squirrel was by the front doors of the school.  My poor boy- he doesn’t need small furry animals jumping out from behind a pillar to be distracted.  He does just fine, all by himself.

Rats.

Things have not been going well at school for the past few weeks.  Unfortunately, its stuff that is making it hard for him to have friends and be in the good graces of a teacher.  Even the other boys are just tired of him having his hands all over them.  And no teacher enjoys having kids break their things.

So after two weeks of nearly daily tears over how he's sorry that he had a bad day, and that he just can't do it, and other things that break my heart, we are going to the pediatrician on Monday.  I realize that its May, and nearly summer, but another month of this will just tear down his self-esteem to levels I can't handle.

I'm projecting myself on my kid, and I know it.  I worry so much about his self-esteem because of how low mine is and has been.  I know the pain of wanting friends but being unable to maintain those friendships.  I know how it feels to look back on a situation and wish like anything you had done it differently.  So I'm going to see what I can do for him.  He's too awesome of a kid.

Camping, Take Two

Success!  I have to say that I was just as excited the second time around as I was the first.  Maybe more, since this time I wasn't feeling sick.

Hubby had a race, so the boys and I got the car all packed up.  Now, thanks to my ADHD, we did forget a few things; hubby had to go back for some pillows and we only had one flashlight.  Overall, however, I had most of our stuff packed up.

Once again, we had the campground area to ourselves.  We got everything all set up, during which time both boys proclaimed themselves "bored."  Hah!  Bored!  In the woods!  G has decided he doesn't like bugs, which made for a lot of shrieking each time something flew by.  I did pack some pirate figurines and monster trucks, so those provided a bit of entertainment for a brief period of time.

Then we went fishing.  I figured out how to cast, so I was having fun.  Hubby was showing J how to use his new little fishing pole.  Then there was G.  He just threw everything he could find into the lake.  Rocks.  Sticks.  Grass.  Bait.  Leaves.  Everything.  I'm guessing that's more of a boy thing than an ADHD thing, but it didn't help with catching the fish.

The fire is G's thing.  Once I got it started, he spent hours finding sticks, breaking them, and putting them in the fire.  Hours.  It was delightful for me.  He's actually quite good at tending the fire without getting injured.  I was quite surprised at his respect and love for the fire and his ability to behave appropriately.

We had some good food (a little burnt- I have to brush up) and enjoyed the nice weather.  Sleeping was hard at first as the boys talked and giggled to themselves for the longest time.  Once they fell asleep, though, they did very well.  I got too cold and couldn't sleep well, but I enjoyed watching the sun come up by the campfire while listening to owls calling to each other.

We spent several hours at the campsite in the morning playing with the fire, reading, exploring, and then went for a bit more fishing.

I felt like I'd accomplished something.  First, I camped with two young kids and got them started on the path towards outdoors enjoyment.  Second, I banished screen time for over 18 hours and made them breathe fresh air.  Parenting win!

I have to take those wins when I can get them.  They can be few and far between.

Ouch!

G is a picker.  Scabs, nose, ears, skin.  But there's one type of picking that I simply don't understand.  He will take a little piece of skin on the tip of a finger and pick and pick.  It goes in cycles, and its been a year or so since its been a problem.  Today he came to me and I thought he'd been painting.  Nope- that magenta colored spot on his pinky finger was his own doing.

How do we stop this?  I think what really bothers me is that I know it hurts him.  He's inflicting some pain on himself compulsively.  Or obsessively.  I don't know which.

I feel like painting it with NewSkin could help.  It would hurt, which would be a deterrent.  And it would cover the wound for awhile while it heals.  But it seems almost like torture to do that.  Bandaids just give him something else to pick at and mess with.  The pediatricians have no ideas for me.  I'm lost.

Mommy Guilt

This is the new "it" phrase in parenting.  I hear tell that in decades and generations past, there was no mommy guilt.  You parented how you parented, and you didn't gauge yourself against the other moms.  Maybe people whispered about how horrible it was that some mothers were nursing toddlers.  Maybe there was talk about how so-and-so circumcised their boys- isn't that horrible?  Or maybe there was no judgement at all.

Now there is judgement everywhere, and moms who get judged by others, or by themselves, and are found lacking, feel some terrible guilt.  I try not to get into all the guilt, but yesterday I got sucked in.

Two grades were out for recess- third graders who had just finished state testing for science and first graders for regular playtime.  I had given two state tests and wanted some fresh air.  Plus, I like getting a mid-day hug from G.  So out I go into the beautiful sunshine.

Within two minutes, even after he'd seen me, G is throwing sand at some girls.  Not lightly tossing- he's throwing like its the World Series.  I walk over to the two first grade teachers who are supervising recess.  "What's the consequence for throwing sand?" I ask.

"They sit out the rest of recess," came the reply.

Can you see where this is going?  Now, I'm not a quiet sort of teacher.  Even if the student isn't mine, I get involved when I see inappropriate behavior.  I'll stop kids in the hall that I don't know if they are running.  I'll go into the bathroom if the kids are noisy and read them the riot act.  I get involved.

So, since I'd do it for anyone else, I call G over.  "You're out," one of the first grade teachers says.  "Go sit on the sidewalk."

I know I did the right thing.  He can't throw sand.  Inappropriate behaviors need to have consequences.  But I felt rotten.  He sat on the sidewalk with his head in his hands, nearly crying.  Four days with no recess due to weather and testing, and he'd lost it on the fifth.  Because of his mom.  He doesn't seem to have any hard feelings today, but I hope I can forgive myself.

And maybe I'll just stay in during first grade recess.