Ouch!

G is a picker.  Scabs, nose, ears, skin.  But there's one type of picking that I simply don't understand.  He will take a little piece of skin on the tip of a finger and pick and pick.  It goes in cycles, and its been a year or so since its been a problem.  Today he came to me and I thought he'd been painting.  Nope- that magenta colored spot on his pinky finger was his own doing.

How do we stop this?  I think what really bothers me is that I know it hurts him.  He's inflicting some pain on himself compulsively.  Or obsessively.  I don't know which.

I feel like painting it with NewSkin could help.  It would hurt, which would be a deterrent.  And it would cover the wound for awhile while it heals.  But it seems almost like torture to do that.  Bandaids just give him something else to pick at and mess with.  The pediatricians have no ideas for me.  I'm lost.

Mommy Guilt

This is the new "it" phrase in parenting.  I hear tell that in decades and generations past, there was no mommy guilt.  You parented how you parented, and you didn't gauge yourself against the other moms.  Maybe people whispered about how horrible it was that some mothers were nursing toddlers.  Maybe there was talk about how so-and-so circumcised their boys- isn't that horrible?  Or maybe there was no judgement at all.

Now there is judgement everywhere, and moms who get judged by others, or by themselves, and are found lacking, feel some terrible guilt.  I try not to get into all the guilt, but yesterday I got sucked in.

Two grades were out for recess- third graders who had just finished state testing for science and first graders for regular playtime.  I had given two state tests and wanted some fresh air.  Plus, I like getting a mid-day hug from G.  So out I go into the beautiful sunshine.

Within two minutes, even after he'd seen me, G is throwing sand at some girls.  Not lightly tossing- he's throwing like its the World Series.  I walk over to the two first grade teachers who are supervising recess.  "What's the consequence for throwing sand?" I ask.

"They sit out the rest of recess," came the reply.

Can you see where this is going?  Now, I'm not a quiet sort of teacher.  Even if the student isn't mine, I get involved when I see inappropriate behavior.  I'll stop kids in the hall that I don't know if they are running.  I'll go into the bathroom if the kids are noisy and read them the riot act.  I get involved.

So, since I'd do it for anyone else, I call G over.  "You're out," one of the first grade teachers says.  "Go sit on the sidewalk."

I know I did the right thing.  He can't throw sand.  Inappropriate behaviors need to have consequences.  But I felt rotten.  He sat on the sidewalk with his head in his hands, nearly crying.  Four days with no recess due to weather and testing, and he'd lost it on the fifth.  Because of his mom.  He doesn't seem to have any hard feelings today, but I hope I can forgive myself.

And maybe I'll just stay in during first grade recess.

Groceries for the Zombie Apocalypse

I have this problem.  I shop at Sam's Club like its the zombie apocalypse.  And not because I'm prepping for the zombies.  Its like they are after me while I'm in the store.  I lose all sense of what I need and what I already have.  Sometimes I make a list, but it doesn't help.  I usually forget to use the list or I forget to put important things on the list or I lose my list before I even get out of my car.

I went with my mom and G today, and I appear to have been a bit distracted by the living dead.  So I come home to find things like this:

I already have a dozen Uncrustables.  I don't really need two dozen more, especially not in the middle of spring break.

I have two boxes of breakfast protein bars for the boys, in four different flavors by two different brands.  Why did I think they were necessary?

Um, wait...  I had a box of six dozen packages of fruit snacks?  I thought we were almost out.

Never mind that I don't really have room for all this stuff.  I just have no concept of what we already have around the house (don't tell my husband).  I just buy more of what I know we use often, so that there's no way we'll run out.  I buy it more than we use it, so it just stockpiles.

I guess I'll be ready for the zombies, even if it's by accident.

The Camping Trip

So, it only lasted five hours.  We'd been preparing for a month with a new tent, new air mattress, and a sleeping bag for J.  We got all packed and prepped with groceries and everything sorted.  We intended to go Saturday at lunchtime until Sunday morning.

Then I got a migraine.  It came on early Saturday, and the aura and pain disappeared within an hour.  Unfortunately, the nausea didn't go away.

We set up our camp and had a few hours of hanging out and playing and (in my case) throwing up.

I tried to tough it out, but after five hours in the wilderness (okay, the Izaak Walton League isn't really that wild...), I couldn't take it anymore.  We took down the tent, packed up the food and sleeping gear, and headed on home.  But we learned some pretty awesome things during those five hours in the woods.

-  J, at nearly four, gets bored way to easily in the outdoors.

- The boys like to go in and out of the tent over and over.

- I still have my fire-starting mojo.  One match, baby!  And no dryer lint!

- Hobo packs are good for everyone: hamburger patties, potatoes, carrots, and onion.

- Sleeping bags make good worm costumes when you're bored.

- G LOVES maintaining the camp fire.  And he was pretty good at it.

I can't wait to try again, preferably without the migraine or other illness.  Of course, then I'll have to spend the night in a tent with the boys, and we probably won't sleep well.  But isn't that the funnest part of all about camping with kids?!?

The Play, Part 2

It went pretty well!  G had his moments.  Before changing into his costume, he stood around hitting himself in the head with the costume in a grocery bag over and over again.

During the play, there were two issues.  The poster board shield was all over the place- above his head, over his face, curled around his hands...  Everywhere.  It was cute, though.  Not too weird, just cute.  I did end up "working" by sitting next to a boy with autism.  To assist with good behavior, I had a handful of gummy bears that I was passing off to him.  G saw me and wanted some.  When I said no, he wanted to argue and pout.  During the play.  (We talked about this later; Mommy was working, so she couldn't share the gummy bears.)

As we were leaving, there were a lot of sticks and rocks banging against trees, but that's boy stuff, right?  I mean, he wouldn't listen and come, but the sticks and rocks really are more interesting that us.  And he was really far away from the other kids.

Overall, it was a success.  Even more so because it wasn't my kid started to undress during the play.  Its all a matter of perspective.

The Play, Part 1

For the last several weeks, G has been practicing with his class daily.  The whole first grade is putting on a play about a tiger shark that wants to find a friend.  My darling is a sword fish.  I managed to wait until today to watch, choosing not to stop in during rehearsals.  I figured he wouldn't need extra adults around.

The rehearsing has been tough.  This last week has been particularly bad, with lots of fussing and whining, plus some crying and getting in trouble.  There's a lot of downtime during play rehearsals, so I'm actually surprised that he wasn't getting into more trouble.  I can't imagine having to sit for an hour or two while listening to other people talk and sing, with only a few breaks for my turn to talk or sing.

G is a sword fish.  He has a poster board shield on a string around his neck and a plastic sword to hold.  My reaction?  "Who, in their right minds, hands six year old boys swords to just hold?"  Really?  You think he's going to just hold it nicely and not try to stab someone?  The first grade teachers assured me they thought it was all going to be okay.

One particularly bad day of practice involved him losing the shield because he was messing with it too much.  He was so pouty about it that he could even hold his sword up.

Today I saw the morning performance, AKA the play with Focalin.  G did a great job.  He stood up and sat down when he was supposed to.  He went backstage and walked out with the other swordfish. He sang and moved his hands with the music.  It was awesome.

Except for all the nose picking.

I feel bad.  He kept looking at me and I'd smile big or give him a thumbs up.  Until the picking started.  I motioned for him to stop, and he hung his little head.

Anger Management

There's only one person in the house who has control of their emotions all the time, and that's my husband.  G, J, and I are all pretty emotional and can be rather volatile.  At least G and J have an excuse; they are young and have yet to learn how to control their emotions.

Incidentally, this post is more about J, who will be four at the end of the month.  We are having trouble with him getting very angry at school and then stomping, hitting, and spitting.  I found something pretty awesome that we are going to try.

I was reading an article recently that resonated with me.  While my own boys haven't experienced trauma, I work with children that have.  I have spent years with kids that have parents that are dead or incarcerated.  In several cases, one parent is incarcerated because the other is dead.  Abuse and neglect aren't uncommon for most teachers, and in special education, there may be more prevalence.  I started to investigate the resources that are mentioned in the article.

One resource provided so many concrete resources, and I loved it so much that I have been sharing it with everyone I can find that may be interested.  Conscious Discipline is amazing.  Thanks to them, I've taught J some techniques to utilize in place of loud and physical behavior.  It took just a few minutes, and he's able to calm himself with just a verbal prompt.  I love that the strategies are accompanied by printables.  The strategies are good for little kids and big kids, plus kids with disabilities.  We have been using some at school for kids with Down syndrome and developmental delays.

This parenting stuff is hard.  I'm so glad there are some resources out there.  Thank goodness for the internet!  I'll let y'all know how it goes.  For now, I'm hopeful and excited.