Mommy Guilt

This is the new "it" phrase in parenting.  I hear tell that in decades and generations past, there was no mommy guilt.  You parented how you parented, and you didn't gauge yourself against the other moms.  Maybe people whispered about how horrible it was that some mothers were nursing toddlers.  Maybe there was talk about how so-and-so circumcised their boys- isn't that horrible?  Or maybe there was no judgement at all.

Now there is judgement everywhere, and moms who get judged by others, or by themselves, and are found lacking, feel some terrible guilt.  I try not to get into all the guilt, but yesterday I got sucked in.

Two grades were out for recess- third graders who had just finished state testing for science and first graders for regular playtime.  I had given two state tests and wanted some fresh air.  Plus, I like getting a mid-day hug from G.  So out I go into the beautiful sunshine.

Within two minutes, even after he'd seen me, G is throwing sand at some girls.  Not lightly tossing- he's throwing like its the World Series.  I walk over to the two first grade teachers who are supervising recess.  "What's the consequence for throwing sand?" I ask.

"They sit out the rest of recess," came the reply.

Can you see where this is going?  Now, I'm not a quiet sort of teacher.  Even if the student isn't mine, I get involved when I see inappropriate behavior.  I'll stop kids in the hall that I don't know if they are running.  I'll go into the bathroom if the kids are noisy and read them the riot act.  I get involved.

So, since I'd do it for anyone else, I call G over.  "You're out," one of the first grade teachers says.  "Go sit on the sidewalk."

I know I did the right thing.  He can't throw sand.  Inappropriate behaviors need to have consequences.  But I felt rotten.  He sat on the sidewalk with his head in his hands, nearly crying.  Four days with no recess due to weather and testing, and he'd lost it on the fifth.  Because of his mom.  He doesn't seem to have any hard feelings today, but I hope I can forgive myself.

And maybe I'll just stay in during first grade recess.