As a school teacher, I have a definite beginning and ending to each work year. Most of last year was horrible. My depression flared up in the fall. My ADHD was causing plenty of difficulties with completing work on time and remembering what had to be done by when. So I'm trying to get my act together this year, and I think its going to help.
My school division gave all the teachers laptops. (Okay- lent us all laptops.) So I've decided that Google Calendar is going to keep me in line. I am hooked up with my mother and husband's calendars, which is very helpful. I have my task list going, and I'm adding things to them by due date. Some of the tasks are due next week and some are due in February. I also have access to the calendar on my phone so I can check in on things. I have a good plan in place- now I have to execute it!
When a task comes up, I need to make sure I add it to the list instead of writing myself a post-it note to get buried somewhere. I need to check my calendar and lists daily. I need to do what's on the list! That's the hard part. I schedule, write, and manage IEPs. There's a load of paperwork with all that, and I have to be on the ball. Procrastination just won't cut it.
I'll check back in on my organization periodically. Sometimes it helps me just to have someone to report back to. Anyone out in cyberspace have ideas? How do other adults with ADHD handle the organizing and responsibilities that come with work?
Wednesday, August 14, 2013
Tuesday, August 13, 2013
Thank you, Ms. P!
I'm a special education school teacher, and I'm getting ready to head back in to work after a looooonnnnngggg summer off. And I mean long in the best and worst ways. I took the boys in today to play in my room while I tried to unpack all my stuff and get the furniture back where it needs to be. J was in a horrible mood, so he did a lot of screaming for no reason and he peed on the floor of my classroom. I was worn out, and the kids were on my last nerve. Then I heard a familiar voice among the others in the hall- Ms. P, G's kindergarten teacher.
I handpicked Ms. P to be G's teacher last year. One of the primary reasons was that, after ten years in the same building, she still intimidated me a bit. She's strict but fair, firm but loving. I have another teacher friend whose daughter had Ms. P. She is a free-spirited kind of kid, a lot like me when I was little. She had Ms. P, and her spirit wasn't squashed. I knew G needed her.
It was a rough year at times. Scab and nose picking. Head butting other students. Peeing on the playground. She teased him in cute ways that made him laugh but never made him feel small. And he learned. Oh boy, did he learn! My baby became a reader last year. That means so much to me!
How would she view my wild man from the other side of the year? I know its hard to summon the energy to get excited about things when your vacation is ending. But he went out into the hall, and she greeted him with so much enthusiasm. She asked him lots of questions about his vacation and upcoming first-grade year. She hugged him and smiled and seemed genuinely happy to see him.
I know this may be hard to believe, for I really do love my boy, but I was surprised at how much care she put into her five minutes with him. I love my kid, but I have to! I'm his mom. It touches me when someone shows that they love and appreciate him, flaws and all.
So, thanks, Ms. P. Thank you for really loving my kid. You are part of his village, and he'll carry you with him for the rest of his life.
I handpicked Ms. P to be G's teacher last year. One of the primary reasons was that, after ten years in the same building, she still intimidated me a bit. She's strict but fair, firm but loving. I have another teacher friend whose daughter had Ms. P. She is a free-spirited kind of kid, a lot like me when I was little. She had Ms. P, and her spirit wasn't squashed. I knew G needed her.
It was a rough year at times. Scab and nose picking. Head butting other students. Peeing on the playground. She teased him in cute ways that made him laugh but never made him feel small. And he learned. Oh boy, did he learn! My baby became a reader last year. That means so much to me!
How would she view my wild man from the other side of the year? I know its hard to summon the energy to get excited about things when your vacation is ending. But he went out into the hall, and she greeted him with so much enthusiasm. She asked him lots of questions about his vacation and upcoming first-grade year. She hugged him and smiled and seemed genuinely happy to see him.
I know this may be hard to believe, for I really do love my boy, but I was surprised at how much care she put into her five minutes with him. I love my kid, but I have to! I'm his mom. It touches me when someone shows that they love and appreciate him, flaws and all.
So, thanks, Ms. P. Thank you for really loving my kid. You are part of his village, and he'll carry you with him for the rest of his life.
Monday, August 12, 2013
Co-morbidity with ADHD
I've been thinking a lot about ADHD co-morbidity. I found an interesting diagram here. (I don't know a whole lot about quoting other sources on the internet. Its not my diagram. I don't know whose it is. But I like it- if its yours, awesome job. Message me and I'll put your name with it.) I'm not sure about the numbers that are on here. I'm less concerned about the correctness of the numbers and more concerned about the big picture.
I don't tend to think of ADHD as a disability in most situations- there are definitely times in my life when my brain's method/madness has been an advantage. I think of it as a brain's way of working, and I think its a spectrum, similar to current thinking on autism. I know many people who have said, "I think I have some ADHD, too, especially in _________ situation..." I don't doubt it.
When I look at this chart, I find myself in many areas. I will have to take antidepressants for the rest of my life. I'm not thrilled about that fact, but I have found some meds that work and have worked for years. I definitely had difficulties in learning math as a teenager. I was able to work through it to some extent in college and past. Math isn't a strength for me, but I remember working so hard with my father and sister as tutors, and still not getting it. I struggled with oppositional behaviors as a child and teenager. Not as severe as some kids, but enough to where it caused problems in my family. I don't see OCD on here, but I was diagnosed with that at one time. It developed as a coping mechanism for my sleep difficulties, which were a result of an overactive brain at bedtime.
I look over this and wonder about the impact of my different way of thinking on my life. Somewhere in elementary school, my academic, behavioral, and social lives were impacted by my brain. My family and friend relationships suffered, leading to behavioral problems. Then my self-esteem was impacted. Would I have difficulty with depression if I didn't have ADHD? How much of my depression was the mean voice in my head telling me that I was no good at math, and no one liked me, and I couldn't even be nice to my parents? If I could pay attention better in math class, would I have been better at math? Would my grades have been better, leading to higher self-esteem, leading to less depression?
I look at G and try to find him on this chart/spectrum. We've got some behavioral stuff going on. We've go some sensory/social stuff that inches towards the autism spectrum. We've definitely got some OCD mixed in there. I'm trying really hard to work on his self-esteem. One of the things he hears from me a lot is, "I love you, no matter what." I try to provide as much positive feedback as I can when the good times are rolling. I don't turn my head to the bad stuff- we address it and move on.
I'd love to hear from cyberspace. What do you think of this diagram? Does it fit for you and/or your child? Is something missing? Do you have a site/diagram/article that relates to this?
I don't tend to think of ADHD as a disability in most situations- there are definitely times in my life when my brain's method/madness has been an advantage. I think of it as a brain's way of working, and I think its a spectrum, similar to current thinking on autism. I know many people who have said, "I think I have some ADHD, too, especially in _________ situation..." I don't doubt it.
When I look at this chart, I find myself in many areas. I will have to take antidepressants for the rest of my life. I'm not thrilled about that fact, but I have found some meds that work and have worked for years. I definitely had difficulties in learning math as a teenager. I was able to work through it to some extent in college and past. Math isn't a strength for me, but I remember working so hard with my father and sister as tutors, and still not getting it. I struggled with oppositional behaviors as a child and teenager. Not as severe as some kids, but enough to where it caused problems in my family. I don't see OCD on here, but I was diagnosed with that at one time. It developed as a coping mechanism for my sleep difficulties, which were a result of an overactive brain at bedtime.
I look over this and wonder about the impact of my different way of thinking on my life. Somewhere in elementary school, my academic, behavioral, and social lives were impacted by my brain. My family and friend relationships suffered, leading to behavioral problems. Then my self-esteem was impacted. Would I have difficulty with depression if I didn't have ADHD? How much of my depression was the mean voice in my head telling me that I was no good at math, and no one liked me, and I couldn't even be nice to my parents? If I could pay attention better in math class, would I have been better at math? Would my grades have been better, leading to higher self-esteem, leading to less depression?
I look at G and try to find him on this chart/spectrum. We've got some behavioral stuff going on. We've go some sensory/social stuff that inches towards the autism spectrum. We've definitely got some OCD mixed in there. I'm trying really hard to work on his self-esteem. One of the things he hears from me a lot is, "I love you, no matter what." I try to provide as much positive feedback as I can when the good times are rolling. I don't turn my head to the bad stuff- we address it and move on.
I'd love to hear from cyberspace. What do you think of this diagram? Does it fit for you and/or your child? Is something missing? Do you have a site/diagram/article that relates to this?
Sunday, August 11, 2013
The Purge
I'm not talking about a scary movie. I'm talking about my clothes. My inability to throw away craft supplies does not translate over to my closet. I love to go through and weed out the stuff I don't wear.
Its a really good thing, too, because the only time I really get all my clothes folded and put away is when I'm purging. Its about once a season. My husband puts his clothes away in a timely and tidy manner. His socks are rolled nicely and stowed in neat order. He refolds most of the shirts I fold (I'm the primary laundry completer for the family) and then stacks them on the closet shelf so that you can see each one. When he pulls one out, he ensures that the others remain stacked nicely. I think you can see what I'm depicting here.
If it weren't for my husband's hatred of clutter, I would get dressed from piles on the floor. As it is, I have a little pile on the bench at the foot of our bed. If it gets too big or stays too long, there's some confrontation to spoil the evening. I keep a huge stash on top of the dryer. Its behind a closed door, so no gnashing of my husband's teeth occurs. I used to have a big pile on a chair by the bed. I made my husband get rid of the chair. An empty chair is just begging to have a pile on it! Don't want piles? Don't leave me a place to put my junk!
This description of our clutter tolerance sums up eleven years of marital "discussions" about how our house should look. Its a fine line for us- one we still argue about frequently. Now I wonder if its just habit. I knew he was tidy when I married him, and he knew I was messy. (Not dirty- I can't stand a dirty bathroom or kitchen. I just can handle clutter.)
Anyhow, I pulled out two big bags of clothes to donate to the DAV today. And for the next two days, my closet will look great. Maybe I should go clear off the dryer now...
Its a really good thing, too, because the only time I really get all my clothes folded and put away is when I'm purging. Its about once a season. My husband puts his clothes away in a timely and tidy manner. His socks are rolled nicely and stowed in neat order. He refolds most of the shirts I fold (I'm the primary laundry completer for the family) and then stacks them on the closet shelf so that you can see each one. When he pulls one out, he ensures that the others remain stacked nicely. I think you can see what I'm depicting here.
If it weren't for my husband's hatred of clutter, I would get dressed from piles on the floor. As it is, I have a little pile on the bench at the foot of our bed. If it gets too big or stays too long, there's some confrontation to spoil the evening. I keep a huge stash on top of the dryer. Its behind a closed door, so no gnashing of my husband's teeth occurs. I used to have a big pile on a chair by the bed. I made my husband get rid of the chair. An empty chair is just begging to have a pile on it! Don't want piles? Don't leave me a place to put my junk!
This description of our clutter tolerance sums up eleven years of marital "discussions" about how our house should look. Its a fine line for us- one we still argue about frequently. Now I wonder if its just habit. I knew he was tidy when I married him, and he knew I was messy. (Not dirty- I can't stand a dirty bathroom or kitchen. I just can handle clutter.)
Anyhow, I pulled out two big bags of clothes to donate to the DAV today. And for the next two days, my closet will look great. Maybe I should go clear off the dryer now...
Saturday, August 10, 2013
The Difference; A Note About When To Worry
As one of my few readers asked, when do you worry? What do you look for? I can't explain it all, not in one post, or even in a dozen. But I observed J, my "neurotypical" three-year-old at a playground at a mall a few weeks ago. Watching him play was so different from watching G play. One thing that struck me was how much attention I could pay to him, since G wasn't there. I'd forgotten how vigilant I always am for G since people don't get hurt as often when playing with J.
I figure discussing the difference between the two boys would be a good way to answer the question just a little bit.
For one, J used the equipment the way it was intended to be used. Now, I love G's creativity; he is able to take a pipe cleaner and turn it into a million different things. But sometimes I want my kids to follow convention. Go up the stairs and down the slide. Sit in the helicopter and pretend to fly it.
J asks for a turn from the other kids. He engages the other children (G tend to talk to the adults and ask them lots of questions), and wants to get to know them. J asks them how old they are and if they want to play with him. He makes conversation.
J plays with his hands off. Don't get me wrong- he'll wrestle his big brother to the ground and doesn't feel bad about it. But he knows the limits with children from outside the family. G has never minded escalating a confrontation with unknown children.
J will play for a much longer time than G. He'll be content to play on each piece of equipment, then move to something else. When that doesn't hold his attention, he may go back to one he's already played on. He would play with other kids until they lost interest, not until he lost interest. Even the toys on the side of the playground, like little marble mazes, held his interest for a long-enough time to complete the activity at hand.
I think the biggest difference for me was J looking for me every once in awhile. G tends to gravitate toward any adult, approaching strangers to ask to play with their phones or to find out about their child's toy. Not J. He wanted to make sure I was there, keeping an eye out, but he didn't want anything to do with the other adults there. He'd interact with kids, but he isn't going to open up to any adult that comes along unless a safe adult is near him.
This description of the differences is not a great way to answer the questions. But I always watch G play with a sense of foreboding. And I'm always having to intervene to ensure that the other parents don't give me nasty looks. J just doesn't require that.
Seeing the difference in how I have to act was a big sign of the trouble for me. And I knew before J was even born that G was... different from the children I'd babysat for and seen in the general education classrooms I worked in. It also helps to discuss your concerns with friends, family, pediatricians, etc. Sometimes a little informal observation of other kids helps, too.
So there you go, Katie. A long-winded, round-about answer!
I figure discussing the difference between the two boys would be a good way to answer the question just a little bit.
For one, J used the equipment the way it was intended to be used. Now, I love G's creativity; he is able to take a pipe cleaner and turn it into a million different things. But sometimes I want my kids to follow convention. Go up the stairs and down the slide. Sit in the helicopter and pretend to fly it.
J asks for a turn from the other kids. He engages the other children (G tend to talk to the adults and ask them lots of questions), and wants to get to know them. J asks them how old they are and if they want to play with him. He makes conversation.
J plays with his hands off. Don't get me wrong- he'll wrestle his big brother to the ground and doesn't feel bad about it. But he knows the limits with children from outside the family. G has never minded escalating a confrontation with unknown children.
J will play for a much longer time than G. He'll be content to play on each piece of equipment, then move to something else. When that doesn't hold his attention, he may go back to one he's already played on. He would play with other kids until they lost interest, not until he lost interest. Even the toys on the side of the playground, like little marble mazes, held his interest for a long-enough time to complete the activity at hand.
I think the biggest difference for me was J looking for me every once in awhile. G tends to gravitate toward any adult, approaching strangers to ask to play with their phones or to find out about their child's toy. Not J. He wanted to make sure I was there, keeping an eye out, but he didn't want anything to do with the other adults there. He'd interact with kids, but he isn't going to open up to any adult that comes along unless a safe adult is near him.
This description of the differences is not a great way to answer the questions. But I always watch G play with a sense of foreboding. And I'm always having to intervene to ensure that the other parents don't give me nasty looks. J just doesn't require that.
Seeing the difference in how I have to act was a big sign of the trouble for me. And I knew before J was even born that G was... different from the children I'd babysat for and seen in the general education classrooms I worked in. It also helps to discuss your concerns with friends, family, pediatricians, etc. Sometimes a little informal observation of other kids helps, too.
So there you go, Katie. A long-winded, round-about answer!
Saturday, August 3, 2013
Obtaining Medication
This process is insane. I absolutely hate it, and I've managed to make it much easier for myself in the past year. I still hate it. Whoever screwed the process up for us law-abiding parents deserves to be drawn and quartered.
First of all, it has to be a hand-written prescription. Focalin XR can't be called or faxed in. So whenever we need the prescription, we have to call the pediatrician, wait for it to be written, then go over to the office and pick it up. Hopefully the doctor feels comfortable writing the prescription; if its been too long since the child has been into the office, they'll ask you to bring the child in for a well-check before they'll write the script. The pick-up process involves showing ID (thank goodness they'll take a temporary driver's license since I don't have a current one...) and signing for the script. Then it has to be take to a pharmacy or mailed in for the three-month supply.
Taking a prescription to a pharmacy has its own issues. Stock on these meds can get very low. A previous medication we tried was only available at the Target pharmacy we were using about 50% of the time. We have been very lucky that our CVS always has our current meds in stock. Some local parents have to check with 3-8 locations to find one with enough of the right medication to fill the prescription.
Mail-in is crazy, too. You have to be around to sign for the delivery and show an ID. UPS/FedEx/USPS come during the day while my husband and I are at work. We aren't around to sign for it! So they take it back to the warehouse and my husband runs over at some point and picks it up. Usually in a hurry because we have one pill left.
Now that we can get a three-month supply, life is much easier. Unless the prescription gets brought home and sits around until someone gets around to mailing it. Then you freak out because you realize you have three pills left and two weeks until the new prescription arrives. In this case, you have to call the doctor's office and plead with them to write you a short-term prescription so that you don't end up on vacation without medicine.
For the first six months that we utilized ADHD medicine for G, it was prior to his fifth birthday. Our insurance wouldn't cover it. I was paying $178 for one month of medication. Now we pay $75 a month. The price can be a bitter pill to swallow, but it makes such a difference for G. His kindergarten year, and some of Pre-K before that, would've been a disaster.
I really wish we could ease up this process. Its a pain to deal with, especially when the whole thing feels like a punishment. Anyone in cyberspace have horror stories and/or suggestions to share?
First of all, it has to be a hand-written prescription. Focalin XR can't be called or faxed in. So whenever we need the prescription, we have to call the pediatrician, wait for it to be written, then go over to the office and pick it up. Hopefully the doctor feels comfortable writing the prescription; if its been too long since the child has been into the office, they'll ask you to bring the child in for a well-check before they'll write the script. The pick-up process involves showing ID (thank goodness they'll take a temporary driver's license since I don't have a current one...) and signing for the script. Then it has to be take to a pharmacy or mailed in for the three-month supply.
Taking a prescription to a pharmacy has its own issues. Stock on these meds can get very low. A previous medication we tried was only available at the Target pharmacy we were using about 50% of the time. We have been very lucky that our CVS always has our current meds in stock. Some local parents have to check with 3-8 locations to find one with enough of the right medication to fill the prescription.
Mail-in is crazy, too. You have to be around to sign for the delivery and show an ID. UPS/FedEx/USPS come during the day while my husband and I are at work. We aren't around to sign for it! So they take it back to the warehouse and my husband runs over at some point and picks it up. Usually in a hurry because we have one pill left.
Now that we can get a three-month supply, life is much easier. Unless the prescription gets brought home and sits around until someone gets around to mailing it. Then you freak out because you realize you have three pills left and two weeks until the new prescription arrives. In this case, you have to call the doctor's office and plead with them to write you a short-term prescription so that you don't end up on vacation without medicine.
For the first six months that we utilized ADHD medicine for G, it was prior to his fifth birthday. Our insurance wouldn't cover it. I was paying $178 for one month of medication. Now we pay $75 a month. The price can be a bitter pill to swallow, but it makes such a difference for G. His kindergarten year, and some of Pre-K before that, would've been a disaster.
I really wish we could ease up this process. Its a pain to deal with, especially when the whole thing feels like a punishment. Anyone in cyberspace have horror stories and/or suggestions to share?
Friday, August 2, 2013
I'm a loser!
So I've been on vacation. It was lovely- flew out to visit my sister and her family in California. I've been so excited to get away from my guys for just a bit of a break!
I arrived in California on Wednesday morning. My brother-in-law picked me up at the airport and took me back to their house, where I rested for a bit until I could go pick up my niece at preschool at 12:45. She's four, and I wasn't sure if she would be shy or excited to see me. I showed up, and she was thrilled! It was so sweet. I had to show my license to take her, so they made a copy and gave it back to me. I put it in my back pocket with my debit card, and we strolled off to Whole Foods for cookies, blueberries, and flowers. We had a lovely time, and we got back to the house around two. I checked my pockets to put the license and debit card back into my wallet.
All I had was the debit card.
I've been down this road before, people. I lost a retainer in the Atlantic Ocean. I lost approximately 50% of important papers from elementary through middle school. I've thrown away brand new sneakers and spent hours digging through trash. I've spent hours of my life looking for my keys.
I retraced my route. We walked back to the preschool and Whole Foods. No trace. I left my name and number at Whole Foods. I called the police department, where I was told to come back the next day and make a report. In a matter of two hours, I had added a small disaster to my vacation.
I continued to check in at Whole Foods and the preschool to see if anyone had found the license. I asked my husband to try and get me a replacement online (impossible, it turns out, since the photo was ten years old...). I called the airlines and spoke with the TSA to make sure I could get home, since that was my only photo ID unless you count my Sam's Club card. This is all familiar territory for me. I'm so used to losing things. I did figure it would turn up eventually, and I'd be able to laugh and say, "All's well that ends well."
No luck. I arrived back to my home state yesterday. I was allowed on the plane after showing my library card, voter registration card, blank checks, and having a thorough pat-down. (The lady was very nice. I didn't feel violated at all- it was almost like a gentle massage.) I headed to the DMV with a bunch of papers from the safe, just in case no one believed I was me. $20 later and a new (and far less attractive) photo, I'm back to legal. The new license arrives in 3-10 days, and I'll be able to say, "All's well that ends well."
I arrived in California on Wednesday morning. My brother-in-law picked me up at the airport and took me back to their house, where I rested for a bit until I could go pick up my niece at preschool at 12:45. She's four, and I wasn't sure if she would be shy or excited to see me. I showed up, and she was thrilled! It was so sweet. I had to show my license to take her, so they made a copy and gave it back to me. I put it in my back pocket with my debit card, and we strolled off to Whole Foods for cookies, blueberries, and flowers. We had a lovely time, and we got back to the house around two. I checked my pockets to put the license and debit card back into my wallet.
All I had was the debit card.
I've been down this road before, people. I lost a retainer in the Atlantic Ocean. I lost approximately 50% of important papers from elementary through middle school. I've thrown away brand new sneakers and spent hours digging through trash. I've spent hours of my life looking for my keys.
I retraced my route. We walked back to the preschool and Whole Foods. No trace. I left my name and number at Whole Foods. I called the police department, where I was told to come back the next day and make a report. In a matter of two hours, I had added a small disaster to my vacation.
I continued to check in at Whole Foods and the preschool to see if anyone had found the license. I asked my husband to try and get me a replacement online (impossible, it turns out, since the photo was ten years old...). I called the airlines and spoke with the TSA to make sure I could get home, since that was my only photo ID unless you count my Sam's Club card. This is all familiar territory for me. I'm so used to losing things. I did figure it would turn up eventually, and I'd be able to laugh and say, "All's well that ends well."
No luck. I arrived back to my home state yesterday. I was allowed on the plane after showing my library card, voter registration card, blank checks, and having a thorough pat-down. (The lady was very nice. I didn't feel violated at all- it was almost like a gentle massage.) I headed to the DMV with a bunch of papers from the safe, just in case no one believed I was me. $20 later and a new (and far less attractive) photo, I'm back to legal. The new license arrives in 3-10 days, and I'll be able to say, "All's well that ends well."
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