We are having a week of limbo. J just started his new preschool Monday. G doesn't start school until the 26th, so he's been with my mom. They have had some great days together. Today they went to the pool, and G was so sweet to one of the other kids there. He helped her look for her special toy and was trying to be a good friend.
I picked him up and got lots of hugs. The medicine had worn off, and he was a little wild, but I like the wild hugs the best.
We got home and dinner was a joint effort. While my husband and I were working on different dinner things, the boys were playing. They tussled a bit over who had a toy first, but I wasn't too worried. J was doing his typical "scream when my brother looks at me" routine. I don't know what set things off, but I looked over to see G choking J.
Now, I'm don't want to act like the boys don't get rough with each other. But I wasn't prepared for this. It was both hands around the neck. I snapped. I yelled and sent G up to his room. After a few minutes, I had him come downstairs and I fed him a simple dinner. Then I took him up and put him to bed. Softy that I am, I gave him three books to look at. (He was in bed nearly two hours earlier than last night- big change.)
I just feel so bad for J. Mind you, J can be an obnoxious little brother at times. Choking is just a whole other level than pushing or hitting, at least in my mind. G was very sorry about the incident, and I have no doubt that his regret is real. I just hope that my reaction and the consequences will be enough to prevent round two of this fight.
This part of parenthood is the pits.
Thursday, August 22, 2013
Wednesday, August 21, 2013
Touching the Future
Today, I'm not writing as a parent. I'm not writing as a person with ADHD. I'm writing as a teacher. I had a profoundly moving experience this afternoon. I'm going into my eleventh year of teaching students with mild to moderate disabilities. I average five to seven new students each year. I'm terrible with names and recognizing faces, especially when its been awhile since I've seen someone.
I was in the library this afternoon working on visual schedules. From where I was standing, I could see the door to my classroom. I happened to see a young man peeking in my room. He looked a lot like Michael Orr, the football player of "The Blindside" fame. He saw the room was empty, so he turned to leave. I called out, "Are you looking for me?"
That young man turned around, smiled, and said, "Yes, ma'am." I nearly fell over.
I'm going to call him John. The first time I met John, he was in second grade. The annual "Mother's Day Tea" was in full swing, with doting moms and grandmas all over the place. John, however, was under a low table, in a handsome pink shirt, crying his eyes out. His mother was unable to come. Maybe she forgot, or maybe she couldn't get off work, or maybe she couldn't get a ride. But John was heartbroken, and none of the other teachers could coax him out.
I approached the table, knelt down, and pretended to cry myself. "I can't believe it!" I gushed. "I was supposed to be here to get to be someone's special guest. And I can't find anyone to be with. Please, PLEASE tell me you'll let me be your guest!"
John perked right up and gave me a beautiful smile. I tell you- he was the most attentive little guy. I had lots and lots of treats, and my cup was never empty of a drink.
I got to work with him off and on through the next three years. When frustrated, he would look at me, shaking his head, muttering, "Mashugana." He consistently wore pink, and he was handsome as could be. Homework was a problem, as was staying serious and on-task in class. There were tears fairly frequently.
So I was looking at this young man, who had just "ma'am-ed" me and towered over my 5'8" by several more inches. "John?" (I was terrified I would get the wrong name. I remembered the table, the shirt, the mashuganas... but the name!) And he smiled. I hugged him and asked him lots of questions. He's seventeen. Going into eleventh grade. Doing well in school. More ma'ams. I gave him another hug and told him to come find me when he graduates- I'll have a present for him. (I don't know what- any ideas, cyberspace?)
I hope like anything that G and J can bring that feeling to a teacher someday. I feel like I'm such a small part of my students' lives, especially since there's such a long time between elementary school and graduation from high school. The moral of my story? Go tell your teachers how much they've impacted you. Tell them about the things that may be small and insignificant, because your encouragement may make their day, their week, their year. Spread some love!
"I touch the future. I teach." Christa Macauliffe
I was in the library this afternoon working on visual schedules. From where I was standing, I could see the door to my classroom. I happened to see a young man peeking in my room. He looked a lot like Michael Orr, the football player of "The Blindside" fame. He saw the room was empty, so he turned to leave. I called out, "Are you looking for me?"
That young man turned around, smiled, and said, "Yes, ma'am." I nearly fell over.
I'm going to call him John. The first time I met John, he was in second grade. The annual "Mother's Day Tea" was in full swing, with doting moms and grandmas all over the place. John, however, was under a low table, in a handsome pink shirt, crying his eyes out. His mother was unable to come. Maybe she forgot, or maybe she couldn't get off work, or maybe she couldn't get a ride. But John was heartbroken, and none of the other teachers could coax him out.
I approached the table, knelt down, and pretended to cry myself. "I can't believe it!" I gushed. "I was supposed to be here to get to be someone's special guest. And I can't find anyone to be with. Please, PLEASE tell me you'll let me be your guest!"
John perked right up and gave me a beautiful smile. I tell you- he was the most attentive little guy. I had lots and lots of treats, and my cup was never empty of a drink.
I got to work with him off and on through the next three years. When frustrated, he would look at me, shaking his head, muttering, "Mashugana." He consistently wore pink, and he was handsome as could be. Homework was a problem, as was staying serious and on-task in class. There were tears fairly frequently.
So I was looking at this young man, who had just "ma'am-ed" me and towered over my 5'8" by several more inches. "John?" (I was terrified I would get the wrong name. I remembered the table, the shirt, the mashuganas... but the name!) And he smiled. I hugged him and asked him lots of questions. He's seventeen. Going into eleventh grade. Doing well in school. More ma'ams. I gave him another hug and told him to come find me when he graduates- I'll have a present for him. (I don't know what- any ideas, cyberspace?)
I hope like anything that G and J can bring that feeling to a teacher someday. I feel like I'm such a small part of my students' lives, especially since there's such a long time between elementary school and graduation from high school. The moral of my story? Go tell your teachers how much they've impacted you. Tell them about the things that may be small and insignificant, because your encouragement may make their day, their week, their year. Spread some love!
"I touch the future. I teach." Christa Macauliffe
Tuesday, August 20, 2013
Meet the Teacher
This afternoon, G got to meet his upcoming first grade teacher. I think it went really well, but I was cautious about it, planned some things ahead, and the teacher had some things ready.
- We went when the medication was in him. Registration day is 12:30-7:00 pm. If we registered him in the evening, my husband could come. But G wouldn't be his best self.
- My mom came along. It was helpful to have a second set of ears, since I don't always retain information.
- The teacher had a heads-up about G (duh- she's my colleague- but I would've met with her beforehand if she didn't work with me), so she was prepared for him.
- I let G do the talking. He tends to take awhile to answer questions (10 second pause, about), but I didn't step in. He's got to work on it.
- The teacher had a series of numbered activities to complete. Step 1: Sign in with names, phone numbers, and emails. Step 2: Read the rules packet. Step 3: Fill out the student survey. Etc. It gave G a purpose for the time.
I have a great feeling about things. Mrs. D is firm and fair. Younger, but with experience. Homework is going to kill me, but that's for another blog entry; I'm terrified about how I'll survive it!
One aside, my heart was happy when I left. There's a little boy from G's kindergarten class that's with him again. G went to his birthday party. The boy's mom volunteers at the school, so she's seen G at his best and worst. Her son is awesome. Quiet, calm, great reader, neurotypical... He couldn't come and pick his seat, so his mom picked a desk for him. We were the first two kids to come in and pick. And where did she put her little guy? Right next to my little guy. She could've put him on the other side of the room, but she didn't. She picked a seat next to G. It was awesome.
- We went when the medication was in him. Registration day is 12:30-7:00 pm. If we registered him in the evening, my husband could come. But G wouldn't be his best self.
- My mom came along. It was helpful to have a second set of ears, since I don't always retain information.
- The teacher had a heads-up about G (duh- she's my colleague- but I would've met with her beforehand if she didn't work with me), so she was prepared for him.
- I let G do the talking. He tends to take awhile to answer questions (10 second pause, about), but I didn't step in. He's got to work on it.
- The teacher had a series of numbered activities to complete. Step 1: Sign in with names, phone numbers, and emails. Step 2: Read the rules packet. Step 3: Fill out the student survey. Etc. It gave G a purpose for the time.
I have a great feeling about things. Mrs. D is firm and fair. Younger, but with experience. Homework is going to kill me, but that's for another blog entry; I'm terrified about how I'll survive it!
One aside, my heart was happy when I left. There's a little boy from G's kindergarten class that's with him again. G went to his birthday party. The boy's mom volunteers at the school, so she's seen G at his best and worst. Her son is awesome. Quiet, calm, great reader, neurotypical... He couldn't come and pick his seat, so his mom picked a desk for him. We were the first two kids to come in and pick. And where did she put her little guy? Right next to my little guy. She could've put him on the other side of the room, but she didn't. She picked a seat next to G. It was awesome.
Monday, August 19, 2013
Karate, Part 3
G has been in karate since early July. Its been a roller coaster, but lately he's been doing really well. He still isn't very attentive, and he really likes to talk to the teachers about anything that's on his mind. He is doing a much better job at keeping his hands, feet, and esophageal ganglia to himself. He blows on the kids every once in awhile, but its not nearly as often as before. And we haven't had take-downs or other major physical issues in ages.
His teacher came up to me today and asked if we would be re-enrolling G for more lessons. As far as extracurricular activities go, this karate program has been our best experience. I figured I'd talk to G and my husband about how long (this decides pricing) we wanted to register for.
After class, I talk to G, and guess what?
He doesn't want to keep going karate.
Really? I mean, REALLY?
He did have a really cute idea about saving my money and putting it in his jar so that he can have more money and buy something with it. He's all about the toys. I get that. Now I don't know what to do. I know that some kids are joiners and some aren't. But how much do you press when its a kid with social skills problems, ADHD, and sensory issues? Does he have to have a good reason? Does he need to pick something different until we find something that he doesn't want to stop doing? Do I let him just chill at home?
I have no clue. None. So I bring it to cyberspace. What do you do when your kid wants to quit an activity that you, as a parent, like them participating in? Should I make him put another year in it, because I want him to, or do we take a break, or do we find something new?
His teacher came up to me today and asked if we would be re-enrolling G for more lessons. As far as extracurricular activities go, this karate program has been our best experience. I figured I'd talk to G and my husband about how long (this decides pricing) we wanted to register for.
After class, I talk to G, and guess what?
He doesn't want to keep going karate.
Really? I mean, REALLY?
He did have a really cute idea about saving my money and putting it in his jar so that he can have more money and buy something with it. He's all about the toys. I get that. Now I don't know what to do. I know that some kids are joiners and some aren't. But how much do you press when its a kid with social skills problems, ADHD, and sensory issues? Does he have to have a good reason? Does he need to pick something different until we find something that he doesn't want to stop doing? Do I let him just chill at home?
I have no clue. None. So I bring it to cyberspace. What do you do when your kid wants to quit an activity that you, as a parent, like them participating in? Should I make him put another year in it, because I want him to, or do we take a break, or do we find something new?
Sunday, August 18, 2013
A Successful Social Event
Last night, we had about thirty people come over for a cookout. Due to rain, we didn't actually cook out anything, but we ate and drank and were merry. The attendees were members of my husband's team at work. There were lots of adults, and about ten kids all together. G did a great job nearly all of the time. As I was relaxing after, I starting thinking about why he was so successful.
- None of the kids were exactly his age. No pressure to act a certain way or be friends with a certain kid.
- The two kids older than G were girls. Strong-willed, well-spoken girls with a younger brother to boss around. Two girls who had no problem telling G what to do in his own house. While G hates when family tells him what to do or simply ignores the annoying voices, older girls are not an issue. He's pretty obedient for the ladies. I'm sure that will come in handy later in life.
- Josh. Man, I love this guy. I don't even know his last name. He's an intern, and he took a whole lot of time to play with both of my boys. He kept disappearing, and I didn't know where the kids were, and I'd find Josh lifting up J again and again to dunk his hamster toy through a basketball hoop. At one point, G was melting down over what he wanted to eat. I think he was just over-stimulated. Did Josh tell G to buck up? Did he give G a funny look? Nope. He just used a nice calm voice to help him out. I informed Josh that we pay $10/hour for people to play Legos with the boys. He said he'd take it. I need his number.
Three pretty awesome aspects to the evening meant I got to eat and talk and play with the other kids a bit. It wasn't perfect- J got tackled several times by G, which led to an insane amount of screaming. We ignored most of it, and J came to us when he needed intervention. G had trouble telling me what he wanted to eat for dinner and how much he wanted. But in the past five years or so, this was the most successful social event I've been able to host. So next time you have a get-together with a kid with ADHD, check your guest list. It can help a lot.
- None of the kids were exactly his age. No pressure to act a certain way or be friends with a certain kid.
- The two kids older than G were girls. Strong-willed, well-spoken girls with a younger brother to boss around. Two girls who had no problem telling G what to do in his own house. While G hates when family tells him what to do or simply ignores the annoying voices, older girls are not an issue. He's pretty obedient for the ladies. I'm sure that will come in handy later in life.
- Josh. Man, I love this guy. I don't even know his last name. He's an intern, and he took a whole lot of time to play with both of my boys. He kept disappearing, and I didn't know where the kids were, and I'd find Josh lifting up J again and again to dunk his hamster toy through a basketball hoop. At one point, G was melting down over what he wanted to eat. I think he was just over-stimulated. Did Josh tell G to buck up? Did he give G a funny look? Nope. He just used a nice calm voice to help him out. I informed Josh that we pay $10/hour for people to play Legos with the boys. He said he'd take it. I need his number.
Three pretty awesome aspects to the evening meant I got to eat and talk and play with the other kids a bit. It wasn't perfect- J got tackled several times by G, which led to an insane amount of screaming. We ignored most of it, and J came to us when he needed intervention. G had trouble telling me what he wanted to eat for dinner and how much he wanted. But in the past five years or so, this was the most successful social event I've been able to host. So next time you have a get-together with a kid with ADHD, check your guest list. It can help a lot.
Saturday, August 17, 2013
Parenting Criticism
I am not a perfect person, and I'm not a perfect parent. I love my kids a lot, and I have the best of intentions. Things don't always work out the way I want them to. Sometimes these less-than-favorable situations occur in front of strangers. And sometimes those strangers think they have the answers.
We were at the local Subway one recent evening. G and J were both really wound up (medicine was out of G's system). There was one couple eating, and two or three people in line. I didn't worry too much, as long as they were semi-quiet. They were swinging on the bar in the wait line and racing each other back and forth across the widest space. This guy behind me starts to chuckle a bit under his breath at their antics. Sensing a sense of humor, I smiled at him and said, "Keep laughing, and they both go home with you!" He laughed back. We got our food and ate. He gave a little wave on his way out. A kindred spirit. I bet he was remembering being a lot like G and J. No big deal.
We went into the bathroom to wash up. They have one of those Excellerator dryers that make a lot of scary noise when you don't like loud noises. J decided he wanted to keep starting it and putting his head under it. He's screaming, because that's the noise he makes ALL THE TIME now. Happy? Scream. Sad? Scream. Angry? Scream. Then G gets more wound up because the dryer is loud and his brother is loud. I have two kids screaming very loudly. Their excitement is feeding off of each other. I don't stress out much- there weren't many people in the restaurant, and we are kinda in the back away from the people. It also wasn't the type of screaming to imply chainsaw massacre. I laugh it off, I get them wrangled, and out we go.
No one there? WRONG. Suddenly, everyone wanted to go to Subway, and they all heard my kids. I kind of duck my head and smile with a "boys will be boys" expression. Most of the people in line give a sympathetic smile back. The guy at the register, in his sixties or seventies, though, has an opinion. "Some kids... But if they were my kids..."
Whoa. Really, dude? I'll let you at 'em for awhile. I'll even hang on to the Focalin if you want to try to straighten them out all on your own. Don't start judging strangers on their parenting (unless you see someone beating their child or being verbally abusive- not okay) without having more information. I'm okay with input. My husband, my mom, my sister, my in-laws, my friends (the ones with less-than-perfect children), my co-workers... Feel free. I'm open to suggestions. But strangers at Subway? Knock it off.
We were at the local Subway one recent evening. G and J were both really wound up (medicine was out of G's system). There was one couple eating, and two or three people in line. I didn't worry too much, as long as they were semi-quiet. They were swinging on the bar in the wait line and racing each other back and forth across the widest space. This guy behind me starts to chuckle a bit under his breath at their antics. Sensing a sense of humor, I smiled at him and said, "Keep laughing, and they both go home with you!" He laughed back. We got our food and ate. He gave a little wave on his way out. A kindred spirit. I bet he was remembering being a lot like G and J. No big deal.
We went into the bathroom to wash up. They have one of those Excellerator dryers that make a lot of scary noise when you don't like loud noises. J decided he wanted to keep starting it and putting his head under it. He's screaming, because that's the noise he makes ALL THE TIME now. Happy? Scream. Sad? Scream. Angry? Scream. Then G gets more wound up because the dryer is loud and his brother is loud. I have two kids screaming very loudly. Their excitement is feeding off of each other. I don't stress out much- there weren't many people in the restaurant, and we are kinda in the back away from the people. It also wasn't the type of screaming to imply chainsaw massacre. I laugh it off, I get them wrangled, and out we go.
No one there? WRONG. Suddenly, everyone wanted to go to Subway, and they all heard my kids. I kind of duck my head and smile with a "boys will be boys" expression. Most of the people in line give a sympathetic smile back. The guy at the register, in his sixties or seventies, though, has an opinion. "Some kids... But if they were my kids..."
Whoa. Really, dude? I'll let you at 'em for awhile. I'll even hang on to the Focalin if you want to try to straighten them out all on your own. Don't start judging strangers on their parenting (unless you see someone beating their child or being verbally abusive- not okay) without having more information. I'm okay with input. My husband, my mom, my sister, my in-laws, my friends (the ones with less-than-perfect children), my co-workers... Feel free. I'm open to suggestions. But strangers at Subway? Knock it off.
Friday, August 16, 2013
Don't think ADHD is a disorder? Read this!
My theory of ADHD can be found and summed up here. I honestly don't think "disorder" would be a necessary label, except for modern educational standards. My "disorder" can be seen, in some circumstances, as a set of strengths. But put me in a classroom as a student for eight hours, or send me to a meeting that lasts all day, and I'm going to either cause trouble or zone out.
What do you guys think of this guy's theory? Anyone feel that he's way off base?
- See more at:
http://www.thomhartmann.com/articles/2007/11/thom-hartmanns-hunter-and-farmer-approach-addadhd#sthash.L1m4PvrX.dpuf
- See more at:
http://www.thomhartmann.com/articles/2007/11/thom-hartmanns-hunter-and-farmer-approach-addadhd#sthash.L1m4PvrX.dpuf
What do you guys think of this guy's theory? Anyone feel that he's way off base?
Thom Hartmann's Hunter and Farmer Approach to ADD/ADHD
Thom Hartmann's approach showing the differences between "Hunters" and "Farmers".
Taken from Thom Hartmann's book, "ADD: A Different Perception."
Taken from Thom Hartmann's book, "ADD: A Different Perception."
| Trait as it appears in the "Disorder" view: | How it appears in the "Hunter" view: | Opposite "Farmer" traits: |
|---|---|---|
| Attention spans short, but can become intensely focused for the long periods of time. | Constantly monitoring their environment. | Not easily distracted from the task at hand. |
| Poor planner: disorganized and impulsive (makes snap decisions). | Able to throw themselves into the chase on a moment's notice. | Able to sustain a steady, dependable effort. |
| Distorted sense of time: unaware of how long it will take to do something. | Flexible; ready to change strategy quickly. | Organized, purposeful. They have a long term strategy and they stick to it. |
| Impatient. | Tireless: capable of sustained drives, but only when "Hot on the trail" of some goal. | Conscious of time and timing. They get things done in time, pace themselves, have good "staying power." |
| Doesn't convert words into concepts adeptly, and vice versa. May or may not have a reading disability. | Visual/Concrete thinker, clearly seeing a tangible goal even if there are no words for it. | Patient. Aware that good thing takes time - willing to wait. |
| Has difficulty following directions. | Independent. | Team player. |
| Daydreamer. | Bored by mundane tasks; enjoy new ideas, excitement, "the hunt" being hot on the trial. | Focused. Good at follow-through, tending to details, "taking care of business." |
| Acts without considering consequences. | Willing and able to take risk and face danger. | Careful. "looking before you leap." |
| Lacking in the social graces. | "No time for niceties when there are decisions to be made!" | Nurturing; creates and supports community values; attuned to whether something will last. |
Thom Hartmann's Hunter and Farmer Approach to ADD/ADHD
Thom Hartmann's approach showing the differences between "Hunters" and "Farmers".
Taken from Thom Hartmann's book, "ADD: A Different Perception."
Taken from Thom Hartmann's book, "ADD: A Different Perception."
| Trait as it appears in the "Disorder" view: | How it appears in the "Hunter" view: | Opposite "Farmer" traits: |
|---|---|---|
| Attention spans short, but can become intensely focused for the long periods of time. | Constantly monitoring their environment. | Not easily distracted from the task at hand. |
| Poor planner: disorganized and impulsive (makes snap decisions). | Able to throw themselves into the chase on a moment's notice. | Able to sustain a steady, dependable effort. |
| Distorted sense of time: unaware of how long it will take to do something. | Flexible; ready to change strategy quickly. | Organized, purposeful. They have a long term strategy and they stick to it. |
| Impatient. | Tireless: capable of sustained drives, but only when "Hot on the trail" of some goal. | Conscious of time and timing. They get things done in time, pace themselves, have good "staying power." |
| Doesn't convert words into concepts adeptly, and vice versa. May or may not have a reading disability. | Visual/Concrete thinker, clearly seeing a tangible goal even if there are no words for it. | Patient. Aware that good thing takes time - willing to wait. |
| Has difficulty following directions. | Independent. | Team player. |
| Daydreamer. | Bored by mundane tasks; enjoy new ideas, excitement, "the hunt" being hot on the trial. | Focused. Good at follow-through, tending to details, "taking care of business." |
| Acts without considering consequences. | Willing and able to take risk and face danger. | Careful. "looking before you leap." |
| Lacking in the social graces. | "No time for niceties when there are decisions to be made!" | Nurturing; creates and supports community values; attuned to whether something will last. |
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