Conflict Resolution

It shouldn't surprise me that G has one method of resolving conflict with his brother and occasionally other kids.  It usually involves some form of hands-on activity, aimed at submission.  We have worked so hard on this, but there's not a lot of methods for parents to approach the problem with.  They are all along these lines, always presented after the tussle:

"Use your words.  Talk to the person who is bothering you, then go tell an adult if the problem is still happening."

Once G has his hands on his brother, there's no stopping him to talk.  You have to physically separate him from J, with squalling from the both of them.  J will be crying in a whiny voice about whatever horrible thing his brother is doing to him, while G is screaming about whatever J did that set him off.

(The thing that always gets me is that J is in the wrong 99% of the time.  He will go into his brother's room, hit his brother, wreck some Legos, and refuse to leave when G asks him to.  If G would come to me, I'd definitely rule in his favor.  But G gets fed up and goes for the throat.)

I send the boys each to their rooms to calm down.  We talk- J gets told that he's got to stop being obnoxious.  G gets told that there's a series of steps he has to go through.  Words to J.  Words to a parent.  He'll win: J alone will get in trouble.

But that impulse control just can't wait for words to impact his little brother.  He can't wait for an adult to come and help get J out of his way.  G's feelings flare so quickly and intensely that there is no stopping the reaction.

It has gotten a bit better over the last year or so.  We haven't had many issues at school, and certainly none as horrible as the day he pushed a classmate's head into the asphalt.  (Thank goodness she was okay; I think this was the worst I felt as a parent.  I'm okay when my kids skin a knee, but I hate to see an innocent party injured.)  There have been minor scuffles, but the other kids haven't been entirely innocent this year.  How long until he outgrows it?  Not too long, I hope.  Little steps.  We'll get there.